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Jim Daly – Ten Reasons Kids Leave the Church

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As much fun as Trent, Troy, and I have together, whether it’s camping or just throwing the ball around, not a day goes by that I don’t give serious thought to how my wife, Jean, and I are leading them spiritually. In the grand scheme of things, we only a have a short window to help them build a solid biblical foundation before they launch out on their own.

If you’re a parent, I’m guessing you’re well aware of how challenging that can be. Even the statistics bear out the struggle we face. The exact percentages are up for debate, but we know that a significant number of kids walk out the church doors after high school graduation and never return.

Why?

Well, the specific reasons depend on which study you read, but most of them point out how adults fail to connect teenagers to God’s redemptive work in meaningful ways. A recent example of this comes from a website designed for workers in church leadership. The article’s author , Marc5Solas, lives in a college town. He interviewed a large number of twenty-somethings to get their take on why Christianity is no longer important to them and boiled down what he learned into ten reasons you might find interesting.

Take a look and see what you think.

10. The church is “relevant.”

Normally, “relevant” is a positive term. In this case, it labels the problem. We’ve couched our faith in modern trappings to the point that 2,000 years of history and rich tradition have been diminished. As the article suggests: “What we’re packaging is a cheap knockoff of the world we’re called to evangelize to. In our effort to be ‘like them,’ we’ve become less of who we actually are.”

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Tedd Tripp – The Power of Presentation

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It was one of those conversations that embarrass everyone in earshot. A young mother was desperately trying to explain to a demanding three-year-old why he could not have any of the candy the store had placed at his eye level. As the child became more insistent, the mom became more shrill. Suddenly, perhaps as much in frustration as in humiliation, she abandoned her groceries, grabbed her son, and shot out of the store, a torrent of words spilling from her mouth.

Teaching children, especially young children, to see the importance of obeying Mom and Dad is not an easy task. Presentation is important. Here’s what I mean. If you go to a fine restaurant, the food will be presented attractively. It won’t be thrown on the plate as you might expect in an army mess hall.

The way we present obedience is equally important. We should never come to our children in a demanding tone with words like these, “Look, I am your dad. I put a roof over your head. I buy every morsel of food you put in your mouth. As long as you live in my house, you will do what I say.” While each of those things is true, this presentation misses the beauty and goodness of God’s ways.

In a biblical vision you might revise the presentation this way. “God is good. He has made you and me and all things for His glory. In love and kindness He has given you a mommy and daddy who love you, who have maturity, wisdom, and life experience. And God says that you should obey Mommy and Daddy. We insist on your obedience because we love you and we know that is good for you.”

Think on what is being communicated to the child. God is good. He is the Creator and sustainer of all things. He has communicated how we should live. God has shown great love in giving you parents who love you and care for you. Walking in God’s ways is the pathway of blessing.

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Tedd Tripp – Listening at Home

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How well do you communicate? Most of us will answer in light of our ability to present our thoughts and ideas in cogent ways. But I would suggest that the finest art of communication in our family life is not expressing our ideas. It is understanding the thoughts and ideas of the other people in the family.

This is a recurring theme of the book of Proverbs. “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion” (Prov. 18:2). The agenda of a fool in conversation is getting things off his chest. Even when he is not speaking, he is not truly listening. He is simply shaping what he will say next. His next volley in the conversation is not returning the ball you served, but serving a new ball.

We have all been fools in conversation. Years ago, I had a late-night talk with my son. I had something to say. He quickly realized that he would be listening. At the end of my monologue I said: “Well, I am glad we had a chance to talk. I am going to pray with you and go to bed.” Within minutes, he was knocking on my bedroom door: “Dad, you said you were glad we had a good talk. I just wanted to point out that I did not say anything.” I was a fool that night. I could have had a real conversation. I could have asked good questions. Everything I wanted to say could have been said in the context of drawing my son out. Instead, I found no pleasure in understanding him; I was interested only in expressing my own opinion.

A later verse in Proverbs 18 observes, “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.” (v. 13) The fool responds without really hearing, with no careful thought or consideration. Speaking in haste is shameful. When we don’t listen, we disclose a low regard for the other’s words and a high regard for our own.

Parents frequently answer before listening. Your daughter begins to ask a question, but you interrupt her: “I know what you are going to ask. The answer is, ‘No.’”

“But, Dad,” she responds.

“What part of ‘No’ do you not understand?”

“But, Dad, I didn’t even ask my question.”

“You don’t have to ask your question. I’m your dad, I know what you’re going to say before you speak.”

My daughter never walks away from this interchange grateful for a father who can read minds. She feels provoked. She feels powerless in the face of my caprice. I may have even violated the warning of Ephesians 6:4: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger.”

Notice the virtue of listening in Proverbs 20:5: “The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.” The goals and motivations of the human heart are not easily discovered. The patience, skill, and ability of an understanding person are required to draw out those deep waters.

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Matthew Fretwell – Is It Wise To Discipline A Child?

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parenting In today’s culture of raising children by only positive reinforcement (everyone gets a trophy); how do we reconcile the discipline of a child and Biblical truth? As a parent, I like to go to the book of Proverbs; it’s known as wisdom literature. This wisdom is not only something that someone experienced (namely the writer), but it’s supposed to be applicational—meaning, it applies to life. When we read Proverbs, we should think about them as a father gifting his son or daughter with his experiences, knowledge, and understanding about all aspects of life. There is much to learn in life, especially parenting, and a wise person will heed the advice of an elder, and definitely one who has already experienced it. One of the most beloved Proverbs concerning love, faith, and trust is Proverbs 3. However, among the insight given to us is wisdom and discipline—these two go hand-in-hand. Let’s briefly look at parenting, discipline, and wisdom.

Discipline

Assuredly, no one enjoys discipline, but godly discipline is good, pure, and holy. As the writer of Hebrews states, if God is disciplining you, He is treating you as a child of His (Hebrews 12:7). The Holy Spirit’s work in us propels us to repentance. It is a form of discipline and one that we should never neglect or reject. The reason we receive God’s discipline is because He loves us. Think about it…God’s wrath is not that He punishes us or sets up boundaries, but His wrath is when He allows us to do whatever we want to do. Discipline is love. Discipline is instruction.

As a parent, if I were to allow my child to play in traffic, someone would lock me up for neglect and child endangerment. How I respond to her playing in the middle of the traffic, after I save her, is wisdom–but it must reflect the sincerity of the danger along with my love for her. Likewise, if God didn’t love us, He would turn the other way and give us up to our desires and passions (Rom 1). So, if God corrects us then He loves us; be encouraged with these words:

“My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the LORD reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.” Proverbs 3:11-12

As well, we, who love our children, discipline them with the proper discernment. Some parents may choose spanking, some may choose time-out, some may choose another source. While I never condone beating a child, leaving scars (whether physical or emotional), or yelling and screaming, I do believe that there can be certain circumstances when a spanking, at a young age, can be effective–but I should clarify that the aim is not to inflict pain/harm, but to enforce boundaries. Spanking should always make you (the parent) have some kind of remorse, afterwards–that is normal, due to the love that you have for them. You never feel “satisfied.” But, let me state this, my father was more of a lecturer, even though we had a few spankings (and for me, the switch once!), but he would sit you down and try and reason with you for hours on end. I recall my older brother saying to me, “I wish he’d just beat me and get this over with?” But dad taught me the importance of spanking (I remember it well) and the importance of reasoning. When I became a parent, I was able to keep them both tethered together.

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Aaron Earls – 5 Simple Ways to Teach Your Kids Theology

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medium_4116502812 Teaching your kids can feel daunting. But teaching your kids theology can feel downright terrifying.

Some feel overwhelmed with time issues. They just don’t see how they can fit something else into their day. Others may not feel as if they have adequate theological training. They feel uncomfortable instructing their kids beyond, “Jesus loves you.”

How can you weave theological teaching into their daily lives, without necessarily setting them down for an in-depth family sermon (though there is nothing inherently wrong with that)? How can you impart good theology into the lives of your children, without possessing a theological degree (though hopefully there is nothing inherently wrong with that)?

You don’t need to feel like you’re trying out the latest parenting fad or complicated system. If you are like me, you’ll try it for a month or two and then give up because it didn’t feel natural.

Instead, here are five simple ways to teach your kids theology virtually every day.

Read the Bible

It seems obvious, and it is, but it is the foundation before anything else. Why not let God do much of the teaching for you?

He has given us His word with the Holy Spirit who works in the life of the believer to help illuminate that word. By reading the Bible to your children, you’ll allow God to speak through His word, while demonstrating that Scripture is important to you and your faith. Use it before anything else.

Will you come across passages that you don’t understand? Absolutely. Will your children ask questions that you don’t know the answer to? Sure.

Both of those are actually beneficial to your children and your own Christian walk. They can see that their mom and dad are growing too.

They’ll know it’s okay to ask questions and wrestle with some of the hard things in their faith. Hopefully, it will inspire both you and your child to seek answers through your own personal studies and also using some other sources of good theology.

Read other books together

Some of the memories I cherish the most have been times of reading to my children before they go to sleep. Along with the Bible, we’ve read devotional books, classic fiction, Christian stories and several others. I don’t have to start a discussion time with them, they naturally asked questions.

Because of our reading the books together, both of my sons are practically experts on all things Narnia and Middle Earth. They often remember scenes from the novels better than I do.

They also caught the spiritual themes before I expected. As we read through The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, they commented about how Aslan was sacrificing himself just like Jesus did.

I didn’t have to tell them that or develop a lesson for that. They naturally got it. And yours will too, if you make a habit of reading them good stories that reflect the great story.

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Randy Alcorn – Developing Godly Qualities in Our Children

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bible-open-table What qualities does God want us to develop in our children? No need to guess. Scripture tells us specifically: “And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to have mercy and to walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:9). These three requirements are a basis for evaluating our children’s character development:

1. Are my children learning to act justly? That is, to deal honestly and fairly with others, and to respect, care for and intervene on behalf of the weak, vulnerable and oppressed? (Or are they compromising in matters of morals and integrity, and passively accepting society’s mistreatment of those for whom God says we should speak up?)

2. Are my children learning to be merciful? That is, to discern with sensitivity the personal and spiritual needs of others in family, school, community, society and world, and reach out to them in love and compassion? (Or are they part of a clique that snubs the non-cool, or so absorbed in their own activities, interests and possessions that they don’t see or care about the hurting people around them?)

3. Are my children learning to walk humbly with their God? That is, to know Him personally, to have a consistent daily time devoted only to Him, and to exercise a humility that recognizes His lordship and their servanthood for Him and others? (Or are they too busy to spend time with God, and too self-proud and self-sufficient to realize they desperately need God’s help to do all that is worth doing?)

Teaching our children the truth is absolutely necessary, but it is not sufficient. The solid foundation for a life is not just hearing the words of God, but doing them (Matthew 7:24-27). By our own example as their parents, we must teach our children God’s truth, demonstrating it in application and obedience. The truth that time must be spent with God must be demonstrated by the time we spend with God. The truth about Christ’s forgiveness must be shown as we seek and grant forgiveness in our home. The truth that evangelism is important must be demonstrated by our efforts in evangelism. As parents, we must model our stated convictions with courage and devotion. Otherwise what we do will speak so loudly they won’t hear a word we’re saying. Sometimes our children will fail to listen to us. Seldom will they fail to imitate us.

If parents teach children truth with their mouths, without setting the example of righteousness, devotion, wisdom and courage, then children will learn to scorn, disregard or abuse the truth. They will end up as rebels (rejecting the truth), nominal Christians (superficially recognizing the truth, but living like the world) or legalists (treating the truth as a sterile set of rules by which to pass judgment on others).

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Michael Boling – The Importance and Necessity of Boundaries

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quotescover-JPG-29 The sports world was rocked yesterday by yet another scandal. This time it was not yet another star athlete caught taking performance enhancing drugs, abusing their spouse, or driving while intoxicated. The scandal du jour centered on a Little League team, a Cinderella story might I add of 2014, being stripped of their title due to cheating.

According to news reports, the Jackie Robinson West team from the Chicago area had falsified the boundaries which govern where a team can seek out its players. By expanding the allowable area by which they could seek out players, this team was able to gain an advantage over other teams in the area, thus being able to field players who were in fact completely ineligible to play on their baseball team. As a result of breaking the rules, the team was stripped of their Little League title with that title now being given to the runner-up.

Now the Jackie Robinson West baseball team last year became the darlings and feel good story of the Little League circuit, even garnering national attention. The heartwarming stories seemed to flow non-stop as this team seemed to continually beat all the odds stacked against them to reach the pinnacle of youth baseball, eventually losing to a team from South Korea in the Little League World Series.

Allegations of potential racism have been declared by some with others simply wondering what all the fuss is about – just let the kids play ball for goodness sake has been the response by many. Venisa Green, a mother of one of the boys on the Jackie Robinson West team has stated, “It is amazing to me that whenever African-Americans exceed the expectations, there is always going to be fault that is found in what we do. Little League says that they teach character and they teach courage. Well, this isn’t an act of courage, and this sure isn’t an act of character.”

There is one element of this mother’s statement that is quite striking when we take into account what has taken place and that is the matter of character. In this case, what is evident is a lack of character and courage on the part of the leadership and I might add the parents of the children involved in this team and with society in general. Let me explain.

The reason for the removal of the title of champion from this baseball team was due to the moving of boundaries. These boundaries existed for a purpose. Abiding by those boundaries meant searching for talent with those community or communities that exist within those set borders. The boundaries were not meant to punish someone simply on the basis of where they lived. Conversely, those restrictions and rules provided a means for the Little League to establish a common set of guidelines. In the case of the Jackie Robinson West team, their leaders made the conscious decision to push the boundaries, in essence disobeying the rules, ultimately negatively impacting the team as a whole. We will never know if this team from the Chicago area would have experienced the same level of success if they had sought out talent from within the established boundaries. The bottom line is rules were broken and a consequence ensued due to a lack of character and courage on the part of those who assumed the leadership role of this team. I might also add that all parents involved are equally responsible for this issue and the unfortunate result.

So what does this tell us about our society and humanity in general? What we have here is yet another example of sinful behavior, the desire to move past the boundaries. Ms. Green rightly noted this is an issue of character and courage. It takes great courage and character to be obedient to established rules in all aspects of life. We find in Scripture time and again the reality that those who love God will keep His commandments. Those who keep God’s commands are noted as being of great character. They are people who recognized the importance of boundaries. The commandments provided by God in Scripture are our boundaries for life as they define what is right and wrong behavior in the eyes of God. Go outside those fence posts and trouble always ensues as you have now moved outside the will of God and His desire for His creation to be holy as He is holy.

In what appears to be the pursuit of glory wrapped under the cloak of “giving some boys a chance”, necessary boundaries were disobeyed and as a result, trouble has ensued in a South Chicago community. A lack of character and courage on the part of team leaders and parents has created a debacle in the lives of these young men. What is more disheartening, at least from the initial responses being reported from parents and even community leaders such as pastors is the lack of noting that rules were broken to gain an advantage. If the experience of Little League is to build character and courage in the lives of young men, would it not behoove the community to recognize that rules were indeed broken, to admit the wrongdoing, and to commit to an attitude of repentance, thus addressing the issue that caused their team to be stripped of its title? Instead we see misplaced anger at those who are merely attempting to ensure rules are obeyed. What message does that send the young men of this struggling South Chicago community? Not a good one I will submit.

As a parent, I am committed to helping my daughter succeed in life. I have to often remind myself that in my zeal to help my daughter be successful, I have to ensure I do not push boundaries to help her move towards bigger and better things in life. I cannot shift the goalposts even in the slightest. Doing so does not teach character and courage nor does it teach my child godly behavior. By stretching boundaries, parents are overtly telling their kids that rules are only to be obeyed when you feel like it or when they do not impede the path to personal glory. In fact, going that route reflects the same attitude and sin that tricked Adam and Eve way back in the Garden – you can become like God which is of course the sin of pride.

The lesson that should be learned from all this is God has provided rules for our benefit. Even rules such as the boundaries by which a youth baseball team can recruit for its players are rules provided for the benefit of those participating in that sport. Speed limit rules are provided for the safety of those traveling on the roads. When we break rules, harm ensues. When we place ourselves above the rules, we are being sinful. Furthermore, when we fail to see the breaking of rules as wrong behavior, we are being stiff-necked and stubborn, reflecting the deep-seated root of pride and rebellion that has taken hold of our life.

If that is a problem you are having in life and we all have this issue more often that we would like to admit, do not be angry at the rules or those who made the rules. Do not thumb your nose at God as if you know better than He does as to what is right and what is wrong. Instead, get down on your knees in repentance and ask God through the Holy Spirit to dig up that root of pride and rebellion in your life. If you are a parent, instruct your children in the ways of God and help them to understand that rules are for their benefit. Remind them always that loving God means being an obedient child of God and demonstrate that behavior in your own life in all you say and do to the glory of God.

William VanDoodewaard – Reading as Parenting

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laura_muntz_lyall_-_interesting_story_-_google_art_project

When we think about parenting, the word “books” probably isn’t the first thing that comes to mind. But reading to our children is a fundamental aspect of parenting little people, though we rarely talk about it in the context of raising children.

Most of us are already reading to our children. It is something that mothers in particular already do, whether it’s the classic bedtime story or another scenario. Thinking carefully about reading to our kids can help us do it better in a way that will help us and them better steward the gift of intellect that God gives each one of us. John Stodt said that “the secret of holy living lies in the mind.” Books help us steward our children’s minds because it is what we know and understand that drives and directs how we feel and what we do. Reading out loud to our children is a potentially a powerful parenting tool when it is done intentionally and biblically. Here are five reasons to read out loud to our kids.

1. Reading builds relationships and memories. Obviously, if we are reading to our children, we are with them: cuddled on the couch, sprawled on the lawn, buckled in the car. We are together: the children hearing mummy or daddy’s voice, and all of us listening to the same author speak to us collectively. From the time I was newborn to the time I moved out of the house, my mother read out loud to me. For hours every day, my mother, siblings, and I were physically close, thinking the same thoughts. My five siblings and I have the experience of going to Narnia together, meeting John and Maggie Paton together, touring the pyramids together, all with Mum as our guide. When we are together, now all adults, someone can say, “I’ve been having a Charlie Bucket week,” and the rest of us understand. We pass on most of the stories to our children, welcoming them into this aspect of the family; even though the cousins all live far from each other, their parents take them in their minds to the same places that we all hang out. Such ties and memories last a lifetime.

2. Reading to our children helps us understand them. Not many of us read children’s literature when our children aren’t there; it’s when we are reading aloud that we are able to enjoy the stories and people in our kids’ books. Well written children’s literature understands the way that children think, and helps us remember what it is like to be a child: how fun, confusing, cozy, or scary it is for them. Have your read the story about Alfie and Bonting? Four year-old Alfie finds a stone in his back yard, puts it in his pocket, fingering it. By the end of the day, he decides that the stone has become a real friend, and he adopts it. Do you remember how things like stones can be friends? Or do you remember what it is like to be mothered? In The Railway Children, the children have done something very embarrassing and they have to confess it. “Mother was extremely angry. She was seldom angry, and now she was angrier than they had ever known her. This was horrible. But it was much worse when she suddenly began to cry.” After they sort things out, and everyone apologizes and is forgiven, the children have a talk by themselves. One of the girls says, “I should like to look at her if it wasn’t so awful. She looks so beautiful when she’s downright furious.” We quickly forget what it was like to be on the growing up side of things. Reading these sorts of stories to our children helps us parent better as we are better able to comprehend their world, or comprehend the world from their angle.

3. Reading to our children develops intellect. It’s an established fact that children whose parents read to them in the preschool years have clear academic advantages that last far into their formal education and work life. Reading with our children does not only teach them facts. It also stretches their minds, helping them to develop the capacity to reach mentally, to ponder things that are beyond them, to remember stories that moved them, and store facts that might be useful. Reading quality books out loud to our children stewards God’s gift of intellect in them and prepares them to do the same when they leave home.

Reading instills the habit of listening in our children. A child who can sit on a couch for an hour listening to their mother read will have far less trouble sitting through a service. They will also have an easier time listening to what is going on, because they are in the habit of listening to the person with the book.

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Michael Boling – Parents: Clean the Filth From Your Home

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quotescover-JPG-35 For all you parents out there, please pay attention to this post as I am going to share something that is quite frightening, something which you might be turning a blind eye to or are completely unaware could be taking place in your home. What is this horrible issue you might ask? Your child is almost assuredly being exposed to porn.

I hope that caught your attention. Now an understandable response is “That is impossible. We do not watch porn in our home and we ensure that no inappropriate programming is allowed.” I get that. However, your child is almost assuredly being exposed to porn. How can I make that claim? I can make it from personal experience.

In my home, we do not even have cable or satellite television. Late in 2014, we made the decision to view whatever channels we could obtain via an indoor television antenna. We also subscribe to Netflix and Amazon Prime which allows us to oversee and monitor what is viewed in our home. Even with those moves and even with that level of oversight, the ability to access porn remains. We are big users of mobile electronic devices, specifically the Amazon Kindle Fire HD. My wife has one. I have one. Our daughter has one. The good news is they are all connected to the same account and thus, we have the ability to monitor what has been viewed. It came to our attention that the filtering and parental controls on this device are insufficient when it comes to blocking unsavory content.

Our daughter likes to watch videos on YouTube that are about different ways to decorate her room. Even when she inputs a search for something completely benign, within a couple of clicks on various videos, more often than not, something perverted is available for the taking in the list of recommended viewing options. I hasten to imagine what would appear if our daughter searched for a meatloaf recipe.

After taking a look at the viewing history on our daughter’s Kindle, we noticed she had clicked on a number of videos that were far from something that glorifies God. We are convinced those viewing choices were not deliberate. Even still, it was disturbing, frightening, and disappointing all rolled into one bundle of emotions. This situation afforded us the opportunity to have a discussion with our daughter regarding godly and ungodly viewing habits and the reality that perverts in the world are preying on young people in an attempt to get them addicted to this type of material. Cleverly, those who peddle such perversion have purposefully tagged certain videos, which in turn results in their filth appearing as a viewing option even when the most innocent of search criteria is entered. Given the heart is exceedingly wicked and curiosity will often draw young minds to view such filth, the reality is your child will click on that garbage and will have their hearts and minds muddied by the grotesque and twisted waters of porn.

Outside of completely cutting yourself off from the outside world, what are the options for parents when access to porn is just a click away on any and every electronic device in your home? Is this a lost cause? Should parents just throw their hands up in defeat with the attitude that we cannot control everything our children do, so if they view such filth, we hope it is minimal at best? Or is there a better way, a more balanced approach that allows for access to technology yet ensures with the utmost care and oversight that our children’s viewing habits are not being drawn to the rotten garbage of porn?

I suggest throwing your hands in the air in a state of defeatism is not the answer. I also suggest that complete withdrawal from everything electronics related is not the answer. The answer is for parents to be parents, to provide guidance, oversight, and accountability for their children. Below are five ways to provide a needed covering to shield your children from porn and that provide opportunities to teach your children the difference between how to be holy in a world determined to suck your children into the dark side of pornographic addiction.

1. Have an open and honest discussion with your children. When we discovered that unsavory material was being viewed by our daughter, we sat down with her and explained the dangers. We told her that it is our job to be the covering for her in all matters. This was not a yelling conversation. Make no mistake that we told her that viewing such nonsense was wrong and that if we observed such viewing habits in the future, her access to the internet would be restricted. In addition to that, we used this opportunity as a teaching moment, a chance to help her better understand the world we live in and those who prey upon young and adult minds. We talked with her about what godly behavior patterns are all about and the battle we all face with the temptation to walk down the path of unrighteousness.

2. Set the example. There is nothing worse that extolling the virtues of righteous living why you as parents do the complete opposite. If you are reading 50 Shades of Grey, stop immediately and rip those books to shreds. If you have inappropriate music and movies in your home that are not God honoring, destroy them immediately. Demonstrate to your children by our own actions what godly viewing habit are all about.

3. Utilize filtering software. This is something my wife and I will be exploring. Covenant Eyes does an excellent job from what I am told. Additional suggestions include using parental controls on devices such as iPads, Kindles, smart phones, and all other electronic devices. When you install such controls, make sure you discuss why you are doing this with your children. Ensure you have shared with them it is for their own protection.

4. Pray. It is of the utmost necessity that you pray for your children. We live in a world full of people and we are engaged against an enemy that has as their sole purpose in life the destruction of your children. Do not turn a blind eye to that reality, thinking everything will be okay and that harm will never befall your children. Pray for your children and most importantly, pray with your children.

5. Be committed as a family to the reading of God’s Word. There is nothing better than turning off the television, shutting down the computer, or putting that gaming device on pause and spending time as a family reading, studying, and meditating on God’s Word. As the old saying goes – garbage in; garbage out. If we are feeding our minds and hearts with garbage, the desire for more garbage will be the result. Conversely, if we are filling our hearts and minds with the truth and light of God’s Word, we will be equipped as a family to identify truth from error. As parents, you will be fulfilling your God given mandate to train up your children in the fear and admonition of the Lord.

This is a battle. Do not sit on the sidelines. Be active in the lives of your children by identifying what they are watching, what websites they are visiting, and what they are feeding their minds with regardless of the medium they are using. Talk with your children about the dangers of porn. The filth available to even the youngest of children today is addictive, destructive, and is within the reach of your children. Be aware, be active, and be godly parents. Your children deserve it and God commands it.

Michael Boling – Talking With Your Kids About Sex and Relationships

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quotescover-JPG-51 This past weekend, I read three books dealing with the same subject matter – the need for parents to talk with their children about God’s design for sex and godly relationships. What all three books had in common was the urgent nature of their message, one that can no longer be ignored. We live in a sex saturated society. Only the most naïve of parents (the head in the sand types) are unaware of that stark reality. The statistics are rather depressing. For example, the average age when a child is first exposed to pornography is right around the age of eleven. That is not the late night Showtime pornography mind you. Conversely, that is hard-core pornography. Gone are the days when a kid had to go over to their friend’s house in order to find the place where their dad hid the girlie magazines. We live in a time when pornography is accessible from any and every electronic device imaginable. Porn can be obtained often from a simple Google search.

I have written lately on the need for parents to be engaged in their children’s lives. I have also shared some suggestions on what getting involved looks like in practice. I want to add to my previous comments in this post.

Engagement with children cannot be sporadic or just a singular event. The level of engagement required, especially when it comes to sex, has to be consistent and frequent. As Jonathan McKee notes in his excellent book More Than Just the Talk, communication with your children on matters related to sex has to be a constant dialogue. Having a one way conversation or monologue just won’t cut it. Furthermore, sitting your child down for that dreaded “sex talk” thinking you have now set your child up for success in all matters related to sexuality is a false pipedream.

One thing is quite clear. Children crave information. If they are not getting godly advice and counsel on God’s design for sex and godly relationships from you as parents, they will get on the nearest electronic device and Google their questions. I will submit what they will find on their Google search will not qualify as sound, biblical, godly advice on sex and relationships. If they do not have access to electronic devices, they will simply go to their friends for answers, a group of people as equally clueless and misguided as the information found on a Google search. Google is useful, but not when it comes to how your children obtain their concepts of sex and relationships as I am sure Focus on the Family will not be the first selection that comes up on the screen.

Now having a conversation with your child about sex is certainly no piece of cake. After all, kids know everything straight out of the womb, right? Well at least they think they do. The rolling of their eyes when you try and initiate a conversation with them about sex and God’s plan in this area of their life indicates their “know it all” attitude. Trust me. I know what this is like as I have a 13 year old daughter who is convinced she has heard it all and knows everything about these issues because she attended a puberty class in sixth grade. Unfortunately, many parents get frustrated with their child’s response, react in a not so godly manner to their child’s “know it all” attitude, and then throw up their hands in disgust, likely never returning at any point in the future to this all important topic. Then they are amazed when they find out their child is viewing pornography or has been having sex with someone from the church youth group…yes the church youth group. If you are shocked by that statement, you might be part of the naïve crowd of parents out there.

Engaging your child about God’s design for sex and sexuality will not result in your child being a perfect little angel. Thinking in that manner is also naïve. However, statistics show that kids of parents who regularly engage their children on these topics from a biblical perspective are far less likely to fall into sexual immorality. Why? Because they understand God’s plan for them and appreciate that His way is far better than the world’s way. They are better able to grasp that waiting until marriage to have sex is the best way. Teaching your child that staying pure is not just about them, but also about staying pure for their future husband and wife puts a whole new spin on things. Such a perspective roots out the selfish attitude that is at the core of sexual promiscuity.

Let’s face it parents. The modern dating model is flawed and we are doing a terrible job of training up our children regarding matters of sexuality. The battle lines have been drawn and the world is attacking our children with a never ending barrage of smut wrapped up with a pretty little bow. The time is now for you to get off the sidelines and to become engaged in the lives of your children. If you don’t, then trust me that a parade of others will gladly take your place, holding your child’s hand in an effort to lead them down a path that is far from what God desires for them. Thinking that one “sex talk” will cut it is incorrect. Thinking your child can control themselves out on a date in the back seat of a car with little Johnny from youth group is incorrect. Thinking that television show, movie, or music is not having a negative influence on your child is incorrect.

Your children need you and they need you now to be godly parents. They need you to be the guiding force in their life, especially when it comes to sex. They need you to invest in their lives with the truth of Scripture. They need you to set the example in the home of what being a godly man and woman looks like. These are things that cannot be put off any longer. The time to have dialogue with your child about sex is now. The time to re-think your approach to the modern dating model is now. The allure of the world is strong, but by the grace of God and a concerted effort to train up your child in the ways of God, that allure can be revealed for what it is, namely depravity and a road full of heartaches.

If parents continue to walk around with blinders on thinking their children would never engage in premarital sex, then the status quo will continue. A lack of engagement by parents is far too often the status quo and that approach is failing miserably. I encourage parents to begin having those difficult conversations with their children. If you are clueless as to how to begin, rest assured you are in good company. I am learning how to do this myself. Thankfully there are some excellent books available that can assist you in your efforts. I highly recommend all of the following books:

More than Just the Talk by Jonathan McKee

Sex Matters by Jonathan McKee

Teaching True Love to a Sex at 13 Generation by Eric and Leslie Ludy

When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy

I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris

The information contained in these books will greatly assist you in talking to your kids about sex and godly relationships. Some of the suggestions presented in these books could result in a paradigm shift in your thinking, a needed one I will submit especially in the area of the modern dating model and its many pitfalls. Additionally, some of the statistics provided in these books will likely shock you. They certainly shocked me as I was under the false impression that sexual issues had not crept into the church as much as they really have in recent years.

I know this all comes across as a bit “preachy”. Some may be thinking “How dare he tell me how to raise my children. There is no way my little Susie is viewing porn, watching sexually explicit material on television, or listening to music that promotes sexual promiscuity. She is a church going, youth group attending young lady.” In some cases that may be true; however, if you are thinking that, I urge you to at least find out what your child is doing with their spare time. The statistics demonstrate that your child likely is doing the very things you think they are not doing and if they are not actively doing any of those things, they are being exposed to such garbage more often than we probably are aware. Just look at the magazines in the check-out lane in your local grocery store. The headlines are appalling and your children are noticing those headlines and are pondering what they mean. Since most parents are not actively engaged with their children regarding sex, kids are finding answers somewhere and where they are finding answers to their questions is probably not in the pages of Scripture.

Here is the bottom line: Our children need parents who care and who are willing to take the time and effort to teach and instruct them in godly principles. Parents need to take every opportunity to reveal the false teaching of the world when it comes to sex. Trust me. There are plenty of opportunities each and every day to compare and contrast the world’s failed policies with God’s perfect policies. Take advantage of those times with your children. Develop a dialogue with your children as they are yearning for it whether they will have the courage to admit it or not. I urge you to take time to pray for and with your children and by all means take time to read God’s Word yourself and with your children. Conversations outside the framework of God’s Word will fall short of the intended goal, that of instructing them in God’s ways.

We have to be passionate about raising our children and I trust this discussion and call to action as well as the resources provided will serve you well in your efforts.

Jonathan Akin – Is Proverbs 22:6 a Promise for Parents?

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CBMW-Reflection-1024x576 Is Proverbs 22:6 a promise?

Many Christian parents feel guilty when their children do not “turn out right.” They ask questions like, “What did we do wrong? What else could we have done?” What is more problematic is that the guilt so many Christian parents feel finds its root in the Bible. After all, Proverbs 22:6 states, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

This verse has produced much shame in Christian parents because it seems to promise that if parents will raise their kids in the right way when they are young, then when they are grown they will continue to live the right way, and if you do not raise your children in the right way, then they will live the wrong kind of life. The logic seems clear and straightforward: if you have grown children who did not turn out right, then you must not have raised them right. So, added to the heartache of a child not walking with the Lord is the biblical condemnation of your parenting.

Getting To The Heart of The Promise

Is that really what Proverbs 22:6 teaches? Some scholars try to scoot around the problem by contending that the Proverbs are not promises, but there is a different way to understand Proverbs 22:6 without undermining its promissory nature, and I have found that approach extremely helpful. Instead of being a promise that “if you do right then your kids will turn out right,” it is a reverse promise – a warning – that if you do not correct your children when they are young, then they will run amuck, wanting their own way as an adult.

Almost every English translation of this verse adds a word to the text that is not in the Hebrew. The English says something along the lines of “train a child in the right way” or the “way he should go.” In the Hebrew, there is no descriptor or qualifier; so English translations add the word “right” or “should” to aid in interpretation. Literally the verse should be rendered, “Train a child in his way, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” What does that mean? If you give a child his way when he is young, then when he is old he will insist on having his own way. This translation best fits with the flow of Proverbs that teaches children are foolish by nature and need to be corrected (cf. Prov. 20:9; 22:15; 29:15).

The clear warning of Proverbs – despite Disney’s messaging – is that following your own heart, or your own “way,” is the epitome of foolishness (Prov. 14:12; 28:26). That is why Proverbs says that the parent’s role is to correct their children’s natural foolishness, and so Proverbs 22:6 is a warning that parents must discipline their children’s foolish character before it is set.

No Spoiled Children

Proverbs 22:6 heavily critiques the buddy-parent philosophy. It warns that if you allow your child to be self-centered now, then he will certainly be later. You have to say “no” so that you do not turn your children into Veruca Salt – the spoiled child from Willy Wonka’s factory who received everything she ever wanted. Lori Gottlieb’s article in The Atlantic exposed a generation of parenting that cannot hold the line with their children:

A kid will say, “Can we get ice cream on the way home?” And the parent will say, “No, it’s not our day. Ice-cream day is Friday.” Then the child will push and negotiate, and the parent, who probably thinks negotiating is “honoring her child’s opinion,” will say, “Fine, we’ll get ice cream today, but don’t ask me tomorrow, because the answer is no!” The teacher laughed. “Every year, parents come to me and say, “Why won’t my child listen to me? Why won’t she take no for an answer?” And I say, “Your child won’t take no for an answer, because the answer is never no!”

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Heath Lambert – Parenting in a Hyper-Sexualized Culture

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Q: As a father, how do you shepherd your children in our hyper-sexualized culture?

The issue of how you shepherd your children in a hyper-sexualized culture is what keeps me up at night, quite literally. I have three kids: a nine year-old boy, a four year-old boy and a six year-old daughter. I walk into their rooms and pray for them almost every night before I go to bed. And there are many things I pray for them. I pray that they will love the gospel, will love the Bible, will walk with Jesus; yet the thing I pray for almost every night is that the Lord would protect them from this pornographic culture that has a bull’s-eye on their head. I think the first thing you have to do is pray for your kids. There are so many forces after our kids and we have no control over most of those forces. As far as ministering to our children is concerned, there are a few things my wife and I do. And I don’t think I have all this figured out, so ask me again in ten to fifteen years and maybe I’ll have something more to say. But, here are the main things we are doing:

First, we talk about modesty all the time. When we are in our house, we dress modestly. I am modest in our house, my wife is modest in our house and we make sure our kids are modest in our house. We do that on purpose not because we are being prudish, but because we want to occasion the opportunity to talk about the godliness of modesty—the godliness of being covered up. It’s a way to express care to others.

When we talk about modesty, it gives us a starting point. It will keep you from having to talk explicitly about pornography. In fact, we should not wait until the issue of “hard core” pornography is on the table to start a conversation about modesty. The problem begins with immodesty. So, we start at modesty in our own house and if we go by a store that has an immodest picture of a woman in the window, we look away because we don’t look at immodest people. We don’t behave immodestly, and we are starting early. If we are watching television and there is an immodest person on a commercial or in a movie then we turn it off, because we don’t look at immodest people. That keeps us from having to think about something as awful as pornography with a little kid.

In fact, my nine year-old, who was six at the time, once asked me about pornography. There had been so much talk about my book, Finally Free, and the kids heard us talking on the phone about words they haven’t heard before and my son was curious. So he asked me, “What is pornography?” I answered him, “Well, that’s when people get immodest together and they take pictures of it.” And he responded, “Why would anybody want to do that!” I didn’t have to give him a graphic answer because we had been talking about modesty. So, we talk about modesty with our kids a lot.

Second, we are committed to answering our kids’ questions as best we can when they come up. This is my personal opinion, but I think that the days to wait for “the talk” are over. That’s my sense. In the good ole’ days, you could wait until they were ten, twelve or fourteen—dad would sit down with the boys and mom would sit down with the girls and we would explain everything. I am not trying to hit anyone on the head who still does that, but my sense is that it is not a wise practice anymore. It was practiced in an age when the parents held all the cards regarding information about sex. It was also a time when the culture valued modesty more than they do at present. Now, our kids have access to so much more graphic information.

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Michael Boling – Thoughts on Godly Discipline and Instruction from Proverbs 1:8-9

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My son, heed the discipline of your father, and do not abandon the teaching of your mother; they will be a garland to grace your head, a medal of honor for your neck. Proverbs 1:8-9 (CJB)

This passage has long been one utilized as a springboard for discussion focused on helping children understand the importance of obeying their parents. For those purposes, it is of course an excellent foundation for such a discussion. With that said, in order for children to heed the discipline of their father and the teachings of their mother, the discipline and teaching must be biblically sound. So I would like to turn the tables a bit and focus Proverbs 1:8-9 on parents.

As a parent and as a former child, I am keenly aware that children are a sponge. Wherever your child goes, they are absorbing information, both good and bad. The back of the school bus alone is a place ripe for information being thrown out left and right. Since children are largely naïve about matters of right and wrong behavior, more often than not their approach to the world is shaped by their peer group. Furthermore, their understanding of the world is also molded by the examples they see at home on a daily basis from their parents.

I have lost count of how many times my daughter has told me – “Well you said (insert sentence)” or “You did (insert action)” with the purpose of those questions being rooted in obtaining approval for their words and/or actions because they have observed their parents doing the very thing for which they are being disciplined. If parents were honest with themselves, we would have to admit we are being a bit hypocritical if we expect our children to not do the wrong actions we are doing. In order for our children to heed discipline and instruction, it is vital for us as parents to set a godly example. The do as I say not as I do rhetoric simply will not cut it in the world of parenting.

What then is a better example and approach than the aforementioned poor rhetoric? Joel Beeke, in his excellent book Parenting by God’s Promises, rightly notes

“What children need to see is not a perfect mom or dad, and certainly not a mom or dad who never says, I’m sorry. They need to see in us an unwavering commitment to Jesus Christ, an unconditional love for them, and a strong bond of love for each other as husband and wife. They need to see a mom and dad laboring shoulder to shoulder, of whom the children can say: My mom and date hate sin, they love God, and their only hope is in Christ Jesus. They want with all that is in them to live holy and godly lives. I can see it, I can feel it; I know it is true and it is real, and I want to be like them. I want the God of my father and mother to be my God.” In particular, godly modeling should instill in our children the conviction that the Christian life is the way to live and that it brings true joy; true purpose, and true meaning in life, and awaken in them a kind of holy jealousy to want these things for themselves.”

If we are to expect our children to heed the discipline and instruction noted in Proverbs 1:8-9, we must set the example for them by constantly heeding the discipline and instruction found in God’s Word. In doing so, we set a standard of righteousness that our children can grab hold of and for which they will desire for themselves. When our children see that our relationship with God is far more than just a weekend excursion to church, they will be far more willing to lend a listening ear and a willing heart to the discipline and instruction you are providing.

By no means will you or your children always get it right. Struggles are an unfortunate part of life lived in a world of sin and where the flesh constantly strives against the work of the Holy Spirit. However, doing nothing and expecting your children to follow the “do as I say not as I do” mantra is a tired and completely failed policy. Godly parenting involves a more excellent way, one that is rooted in parents first being under the discipline and instruction of God at all times so they in turn can instruct their children in the way they should go.

If we want to leave a godly legacy to our children, the garland and medal described in Proverbs 1:8-9, the task begins with us. As noted by Benjamin Wadworth, “Be sure to set good example before your children … Other methods of instruction probably will not do much good if you don’t teach them by a godly example. Don’t think your children will mind the good rules you give them if you act contrary to those rules yourselves… If your counsels are good, and your examples evil, your children will be more like to be hurt by the latter, than benefitted by the former.”

Be parents who are devoted to the reading of God’s Word and prayer. Be committed to personal and family devotions. Set the example of what it means to be righteous by demonstrating by your own actions what godly discipline and instruction is all about. When your children see you walking before God in righteousness and truth through the work of the Holy Spirit, they will be more apt to appreciate the discipline and instruction they receive from you. Put your hand in the hands of our heavenly Father, allowing Him to lead and guide you. In turn, your children will place their hands in yours as you lead them and guide them in the paths of godly living.

John MacArthur – What Influence Do You Have Over Your Children?

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influence-you-have-on-your-children You can’t save your children. You can raise them in the fear and admonition of the Lord, guard them from the sinful influences and temptations of the world, and cocoon them in the fellowship of others who know and love God. But in the end, as we saw last time, their repentance and faith cannot be inherited or manufactured—salvation is God’s work, not yours. As a parent, your influence can only go so far.

The Wrong Kind of Influence

Having said that, I want to stress that sometimes—I should say often—parents are partly to blame for their wayward children’s rebellion. And it has been my observation over the years that parents are generally more to blame for wayward kids than society, peers, or any of the other influences parents tend to blame. I occasionally encounter parents who have violated nearly every biblical principle of parenting, who nonetheless come to the pastor seeking some kind of absolution from the responsibility for their children’s defiance. They want verbal assurance that they are in no way to blame; someone else is.

Yet God Himself has given the responsibility for raising children to parents—not to schoolteachers, peers, child-care workers, or other people outside the family—and therefore it is wrong for parents to attempt to unload that responsibility or shift the blame when things go wrong.

Parents must involve themselves in their children’s lives enough to insure that no other influence takes precedence. To parents who complain that their kids’ failures are the kids’ friends’ fault, my inevitable reply is that ultimately the parents themselves must be to blame, because they were the ones who allowed peers to have more input into their kids’ lives than they have themselves.

Blame and Accountability

Some parents will no doubt cynically roll their eyes at that, and insist that it is unrealistic in this day and age to expect parents to influence their kids more than peers, the culture, television, schoolteachers, and all the other factors that vie for a controlling interest in the typical child’s life.

Still, a moment’s reflection will reveal why parents in our culture have less influence on their kids than peer groups do: Most parents have simply abdicated the parental role. They have turned their kids over to their peers. They have invested less time in teaching their kids than the amount of time they have permitted the kids to watch television. They have permitted much of—if not all—their children’s spiritual, moral, and ethical instruction to come from television, movies, music, and other children. Even in the best cases, parents rely too much on school teachers, Sunday-school teachers, and youth leaders—all outside the purview of the family. Parents must realize that character is neither inbred by genetics nor picked up by osmosis. Children are taught to be what they become. If they have become something other than what the parents hoped for, it is usually because they have simply learned from those who were there to teach them in their parents’ absence.

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Tim Challies – 8 Items for Christian Parents to Ponder

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challies The other day, the old Puritan John Flavel took me out back and slapped me around for a while (metaphorically, of course). I have been reading his classic work The Mystery of Providence and he dedicates the second chapter to an explanation of why we need to worship God for his kind providence in our childhood. He wants his readers to acknowledge the privileges that were theirs simply because of the time and place in which they were born.

Along the way he includes a brief but powerful section in which he exhorts parents in the duties they have in raising their children. He wants you, the parent, to seriously consider the responsibility that God has entrusted to you for each one of your children. And, at least for me, each of them felt like a gut-punch. He offers these 8 considerations, asking that you would ponder each one and allow them to motivate you to call your children to respond to the gospel.

1. Consider the intimacy of the relationship between you and your children, and, therefore, how much their happiness or misery is your concern. Our children mean so much us. You gain joy by them, you place high value on them, you express hopes and longings for them, you sympathize with them in their troubles, and you grieve from the depths of your soul if they precede you into death. Why would you long to have children, and assign such value to them, and find so much joy in them, if, in the meantime, you give little thought to their eternal souls?

2. Consider that God has charged you to tend not only to their bodies, but also to their souls. You can know this by the clear commands God has given parents (see Deuteronomy 6:6-7; Ephesians 6:4), and also by the commands he has given children since these commands imply the duty of the parents (e.g. Ephesians 6:1).

3. Consider what could possibly comfort you at the time of your children’s death if, through your neglect, they die in a Christless condition. The most heartbreaking cry is that of the parent who has to honestly admit, “My child is in hell and I did nothing to prevent it! My child is in hell and I helped him go there!”

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Candice Watters – Why Raising Independent Kids is a Bad Idea for Parenting

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Practical-Outwork-May-1024x576 “Zoe … Zoe,” I called in a sing-song voice over the upstairs bannister, wondering where our three-year-old had gotten to. I was busy stripping beds and changing sheets with our five-year-old when I realized I hadn’t heard from her in a longer-than-typical stretch of 10 minutes.

“I’m ok, Mom,” she trilled back. “Don’t come down.”

I dropped my linens and raced to the bottom of the stairs, knowing her reply could only mean one thing — mischief. I rounded the corner into the kitchen. What in the world? …

There she sat, ensconced on a tall kitchen stool, spoon in one hand, bottle of chocolate syrup in the other. It was 9:00 a.m. I watched with mock horror and hidden amusement as she alternately took bites of Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream straight from the carton and chugged gulps of Hershey’s like a big brown baby bottle.

When I see articles that offer “four ways parents can teach their children independence” or “a better approach to raising self-starters,” I wince. What kids need are not more lessons in independence, but parents who are willing to do the hard work of teaching them how to be responsible.

One of our Hershey’s chugging daughter’s first sentences was simple but profound, “I do it!”. (Who hasn’t heard that from a toddler!) As soon as she was able, she was determined to do things her way, by herself. Now that we’ve been through the terrible twos and “therrible threes” with four different children and four distinct personalities, it’s clear that she’s not an anomaly. Babies are born with the hardwiring for independence. It’s not just an American thing. Of course they need someone to do everything for them when they first appear on the scene, but within a short time, they’re striving to do things on their own.

Certainly we don’t want children who never learn how to care for themselves; who are dependent on us forever. There’s a host of life skills we need to teach them in the 18 years we have them in our care. But independence shouldn’t be our goal. We should want our children to do things by themselves, but not for themselves. This is the key distinction between children who are independent and those who are responsible.

To be independent is, as the dictionary defines it, “to be free from outside control; not depending on another’s authority.” Such is the root of our American culture. We were defined early-on by our breaking-free from authority. But those leading the fledgling country knew they needed not merely to break free from Mother England, but also to govern themselves well. This is what made our revolution so different from the anarchy in France. Today, the spirit of liberty without responsibility is widely affirmed. It’s the different between self-government and anarchy; the difference between a young man leaving home to spend his 20s amusing himself, and one leaving home to find a wife, form a family, set up a home, and get a job to provide for those in his care. It’s the difference between kids who use their abilities to serve themselves, and those who use their abilities to serve others. Wanting to be free from outside control is a pervasive problem, but it’s not new.

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Michael Boling – Teaching Children What It Means To Be on God’s Team

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quotescover-JPG-84 Last night my wife and I conducted a family huddle as a time of reflection on some important issues. What drove the need for such a meeting was a conversation that took place at church, specifically a topic that as of today has vaulted yet again to the top of the news headlines – homosexuality and same-sex marriage. I am quite thankful that the youth pastor chose to discuss this with the middle school kids so many kudos to him for having the courage and foresight to explain to these impressionable young minds what God has to say about that particular topic.

It was the response provided by our daughter and her questions about homosexuality and why it is even a big deal worthy of discussion that resulted in the need to have our little family huddle last night. As believers, we have made the declaration that we are on God’s team. Making such a declaration has some major ramifications regarding how we view life and the world we live in. The playbook if you will that believers must follow, if they truly are on God’s team is of course the Bible. In Scripture, God has provided us the rules for life. We are to play by those rules and only by those rules.

When it comes to an issue such as homosexuality, our daughter inquired why it was so wrong given those people love each other. This was an honest question that deserved an equally honest answer. The world operates by a playbook that has a completely different definition of love from that which is noted in God’s playbook (Scripture). In relation to love within a relationship, the expression of love, especially when it comes to matters of a sexual nature is to be experienced and demonstrated only within the confines of the covenant of marriage and only between a man and a woman. Anything outside of that framework is not an activity that is aligned with God’s playbook. Actions not in keeping with God’s playbook are considered sin and thus are an abomination in the sight of God.

We live in a society that increasingly embraces actions that are an abomination to God. Our world is one that repeatedly thumbs their nose at God’s playbook. Holiness is a product of a by-gone era that has been replaced by everyone doing what is right in their own eyes. The influence on our youth in particular of this do whatever you want and whatever makes you happy is tremendous. It can be observed in music, clothing, movies, books, all throughout social media, on the back of the bus, and the list goes on and on and on.

As a parent, I am keenly aware of these influences. It is becoming increasingly important to have these regular family huddles as it seems each and every day there is something that needs to be discussed. These teaching points and opportunities are highly important and cannot be ignored. We are commanded in Scripture to do the following:

“These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.” (Deut. 6:6-7)

What are these words God is talking about? “These words” refers to God’s playbook – His word. Parents are to teach God’s playbook to their children diligently. This of course requires that parents are themselves familiar with God’s Word in order to effectively speak to their children of what God has said in His Word. To speak with your children about a matter such as why homosexuality is wrong without spending time in God’s Word understanding why God says it is wrong is akin to thinking you can pick up a football for the first time ever in your life and throw a winning touchdown in the Super Bowl. It just does not work that way. Teaching your children diligently about God’s Word requires you to be in God’s Word diligently. The two go hand in hand.

If we claim to be on God’s team we must follow His playbook. This will become increasingly difficult as the world around us continues to spiral out of control and down a path that is farther and farther away from the straight and narrow path of righteousness. The allure of sin is subtle and deadly, both for us as adults and even more so for our children. If you are a parent and you have been sitting on the sidelines of late and not spending dedicated time with your children teaching them God’s playbook, the time for you to get in the game is now. The world is in a full court press and the enemy is launching a full out blitz on our children. If we are not grounded in God’s playbook and if we are not teaching our children how to be grounded in God’s playbook, we will have no foundation upon which to weather the storm of the world’s attacks. If we are not donning the full armor of God and not teaching our children how to put on this armor, we will quite frankly be in serious trouble.

Parents – get in the game I beg you. Trust me that I am speaking to myself. Our children will not learn God’s playbook by osmosis and simply attending youth group once or twice a week is not enough for their spiritual growth. Praise God for the godly youth pastors who have dedicated their lives to investing in our youth. With that said, the true responsibility for raising children rests with the parents. If you claim to be on God’s team parents, you must recognize that God calls and demands parents to teach their children God’s playbook. Do not shirk that responsibility.

It might be time for you to have your own family huddle. Break out the whiteboard, a sheet of paper, or simply have a conversation about what is going on in the world or what is going on in the life of your child. Have an open, honest, and frank discussion with your children. Most importantly, share with them from the pages of God’s playbook the winning plays of holiness, righteousness, and godly living. Make it a point to show the vast differences between how the world operates (i.e. their playbook) and what God desires. Pray with your children and for your children. Parenting is not easy, a truth I am realizing more and more in recent weeks. However, it is a responsibility we must take on with every fiber of our being through the power of the Holy Spirit.

The recent Supreme Court decision on same-sex marriage might be a good place to start regarding explaining to your children what God’s playbook says concerning proper male/female relationships. The world is celebrating this decision and there is no doubt your child, especially if they are connected to social media is seeing post after post or tweet after tweet glorifying this decision as a win for marriage equality. Use this opportunity to talk with your children about this issue, why the world’s celebration and glorification of same-sex marriage is wrong and why God’s way is the best way.

Parents – get in the game! Your children deserve it and God commands it.

Greg Gibson – Parenting in a Gay Marriage World: What Should Christian Parents Do?

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SCOTUS-KIDS-1024x576 As you now know, same-sex marriage is legal in all 50 states. If you have children, they will now grow-up in a culture that recognizes the legitimacy of homosexuality. What should parents do in response?

1. Talk honestly and openly about sin, homosexuality, and gay marriage with your children.

We live in a post-Genesis 3 world. Because of this, sin is a reality, both in our lives and in the lives of our children. Part of the goal of parenting is teaching our children to love God and hate sin. Using your conscience as a parent, and discerning the appropriateness of their age, talk openly with your children about homosexuality and gay marriage. Unless you live in the mountains, have no technology, and your children have zero friends, I promise they are already chatting about this issue with their friends. Six, seven, and eight-year-olds are already having these conversations in lunch rooms and on school playgrounds. Your children’s classmates might have 2 mommies or 2 daddies. Too often, parents want this to be a hush hush issue with their children until later in middle or high school. By then, it’s too late. As your conscience, the Holy Spirit, and Lady Wisdom guide you, talk honestly and openly about this issue with your children.

2. Model to your children a marriage that is a picture of the gospel.

As Owen Strachan put it (President of CBMW), “Let’s allow this decision to shock us back into taking stock of the log in our own eye. Let’s use it to motivate us to dig into our marriage and truly love our God-given spouse. Let’s recommit to loving our children in a distinctly biblical way. May this Supreme Court decision awaken God’s people to display the beauty of complementarity as never before, to put the union of a self-sacrificial head to his loving bride on IMAX display wherever we are.” As Strachan alludes, the home is the most foundational place for your children to learn the gospel and see it modeled. Let us recommit to pursuing our marriages before anything else. Let us model to our children the entire gospel within our marriages–servant headship, submission, grace, repentance, and restoration.

3. Teach your children the biblical foundations for marriage.

Teach your children the foundation for marriage from Genesis 1-2, the mysteries of its relationship between Christ and the Church in Ephesians 5, and how marriage ultimately wins when Jesus returns in Revelation 19. Talk about this often with your children. Show your children often pictures and videos from your wedding. Never talk poorly about marriage. Elevate it as the most important pursuit.

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Michael Boling – Avoid the “Do as I say, Not as I Do” Trap

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quotescover-JPG-83 How many times have you heard a parent say that phrase whether on television or in real life? Probably many more times than you can count on our fingers and toes at least. Now the likely intent of such a statement is to drive home the truly important words a parent is saying to their child, knowing the typical response from that child to the parent’s command will be something along the lines of “Why can’t I (fill in the blank) because you do it.” Rather than take that little bit of criticism/wisdom to heart, parents shell out the “Do as I say, not as I do” phrase left and right, failing to realize the sheer hypocrisy that is subsumed in such a statement.

So why is doling out such a statement truly an epic fail as a parent? After all, are not children supposed to obey their parents which assuredly means that when we declare a command it should be followed, regardless if in our own lives we are demonstrating a poor example by succumbing to the very wrong behavior we exhort our kids to avoid? Surely that is not the case is it? Unfortunately, that is the case. While children are to obey their parents, as parents, we are called by God to be godly and wise parents, instructing our children in the ways of the Lord. What better way to instruct your child in the ways of God than by actually setting the visible example of godly, righteous, and holy behavior.

If you are unsure as to what godly, righteous, and holy behavior and parenting looks like, the Bible is the place to look. There is no shortage of passages on this topic. For example, peruse the following Scriptures:

Deuteronomy 6:6-9 – “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

This passage outlines that parents are to diligently teach their children the Word of God. This is more than just quoting a passage here and there when needed or reading a few passages before bedtime. What God commands of parents in these verses is to not just teach His Word verbally, but also to demonstrate what living a godly life looks like in every day practice. God’s Word is to form the very foundation for every act we do regardless of where we find ourselves.

Proverbs 22:6 – Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

This is a very familiar passage, but I am not sure many have focused on what this idea of training is all about. The Hebrew word translated train is the verb chanak, a word that has the connotation of disciplining yourself or to initiate into something. Allen Ross aptly notes, “the training should be with purpose…The way the verse has been translated shows that there is a standard of life to which he (the child) should go.”[1] The “way” is not just any old way but the way of righteousness outlined in Scripture. This means parents are to purposefully, both in word and deed, train and demonstrate this way of life to their children.

Isaiah 38:19 – A father tells his sons about Your faithfulness.

This is likely an overlooked verse when it comes to parenting. The prophet Isaiah states that a father tells his sons (or children) about the faithfulness of God. Now let’s think about this passage for a second. Scripture tells us that God is faithful to whom? The wicked or the righteous? God is faithful to the righteous. In order for a father to tell their children about God’s faithfulness, I believe a couple of important issues are necessarily in play in order for that to take place. For starters, from a historical perspective, parents need to be grounded in Scripture so they can share with their children how God has demonstrated His faithfulness to His people throughout history. Second, since God is faithful to the righteous, this demands a bit of righteousness and faithfulness to God on the part of the parent. Not perfection of course as there is none save Christ who was or is perfect. What this is speaking of is a parent who walks in the paths of righteousness and who in turn shares with their child both in word and deed God’s faithfulness.

Hebrews 12:7 – It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline?

We can observe in this passage that God disciplines those whom He loves and those who love God in turn appreciate and take to heart that correction. When we demonstrate an embracing of the correction God gives us, our children will better understand discipline and correction given to them in a loving yet firm manner.

There are many, many more passages we could discuss but hopefully you get the point. As parents, we are to show our children the example of what godly behavior is all about. If we are resistant to God’s correction, then a response to our children of “Do as I say, not as I do” will be all too easy. Conversely, it we grasp what being a godly parent is all about which is truly a lifelong process of learning, we will demonstrate to our children our love for God by embracing God’s correction and implementing the truth of God’s Word in our own lives while investing in the lives of our children with the truth of God’s Word and godly correction.

So parents (myself included), make an assessment of your life. Are you demonstrating godly behavior to your children or do you honestly think that godly parenting is just repeating some bible passages or parenting rhetoric devoid of providing a godly example? Be honest in your assessment of yourself. If you have fallen short in this area, then pray and ask forgiveness from God and from your children. Resolve through the power of the Holy Spirit to show your children what godly living is all about. Believe me…your kids are paying very close attention to everything you do and they are not shy about noting when you are being hypocritical. Let’s act like godly adults and set a needed example for our children. They deserve it and God commands it so what are we waiting for?

References:
[1] Allen Ross. “Proverbs” in The Expositor’s Bible Commentary ed. Frank Gaebelein. (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1976), 1063.

Nate Shurden – Talking to Children about God’s Design for Sexuality

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Talking-to-Children-2_620 Let’s face it. It’s difficult speaking with our children about matters of sexuality. For starters, we’re nervous when bringing up the subject due to the sensitive nature of the material. When the subject surfaces, our minds often go blank and we fumble for words. Once the words come out, we usually say the wrong thing, or say it in the wrong way. It feels like we can’t win for losing.

This is why many parents opt for an even worse approach: silence. This approach will always backfire, for parental silence only heightens the child’s curiosity to look for answers in all the wrong places. Our children won’t have to look long, for it turns out that friends, books, magazines, and of course the internet are more than willing to “parent” them in anything they want to know about sexuality.

The truth is we cannot afford to avoid the subject of sexuality with our children—the stakes are simply too high. God has given parents the responsibility to raise their children in the fear and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). This includes acknowledging that they are sexual beings and training them in what it means to flourish sexually as God designed.

The SCOTUS ruling on same-sex marriage gives parents another opportunity to speak clearly about God’s design for sexuality. But how do we go about it without looking like a fool? Below are four practical suggestions.

1. Be Natural

Settle your nerves by planning what you’re going to say. Then spend time praying over what you’ve planned. Don’t be embarrassed to jot down a few notes to keep yourself on track. The more you can build confidence, reduce any awkwardness and stress, and be yourself, the higher likelihood that you will communicate clearly and lovingly with little to no emotional interference.

2. Be Inquisitive

Avoid a “family meeting” communication style like, “Little Johnny, I have something very important to speak with you about…” Instead, use your regular family worship time or simply the time you’re sitting around the table after dinner. Begin by asking basic biblical questions about relationships, love, and marriage. As the conversation progresses through the children’s replies, steer the dialogue to the important matters of sexuality and teach them about God’s design for men, women, and marriage in contrast to the world’s redefinitions.

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