Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
The reality of the difficulty of parenting is something for which I am increasingly becoming aware. With that said, it is the most satisfying duty I have ever had. An important element of being a parent is that of knowing how to properly approach your child’s behavior which includes understanding their personality and what the Proverbs call their bent. Those with children who have what could be labeled as an overly expressive demeanor are rightly called strong willed children. Cynthia Tobias, in her book You Can’t Make Me: Strategies for Bringing Out the Best in Your Strong-Willed Child, uses years of professional and personal experience to assist the reader in betting understanding what a strong-willed child is, how to approach that type of personality, and skills to successfully direct that level of emotion in the proper direction.
Before reading this book, I had an idea of what a strong-willed child was all about as after all, isn’t having a strong will equivalent to having a rebellious spirit? After reading this book, my perception of what a strong-willed child is all about has dramatically changed as Tobias clearly outlines what it means to be strong willed and why such a personality is not always a negative trait provided the right parental guidance is given in the formative years of childhood.
Tobias discussed the need to pick your battles with the strong-willed child. While I am not entirely sure my own child is what could be labeled as strong-willed, at least when it comes to day to day actions, there are times when she does express a strong set of emotional and physical responses to certain issues. This has resulted in the need for my wife and I to decide which battles are important to fight and which issues are secondary elements of life. For instance, Tobias rightly comments “If you make a big deal out of everything, pretty soon everything will be a big deal, and you may get to the point where you’ll hear some absolutely ridiculous arguments designed purely to get a reaction out of you.” From my own personal experience, when that happens, the discussion and learning opportunity has been lost, at least for the time being.
Some may say that as parents, they are the boss and the child should obey. That is certainly true and Tobias certainly does not deny that important reality of parental authority. The issue she addresses is the need to at times lighten up without letting loose of the parental reins of authority and oversight. This is truly a delicate balance. Tobias states that when giving rules and boundaries to a strong-willed child, it is imperative to “be clear with your reasons for rules and regulations.” Essentially, have a conversation with your strong-willed child as to why rules are important. Such an approach sets the important groundwork for later in life when they will be tempted to buck against authority.
I also appreciated the author’s insight into dealing with the issue of homework with a strong-willed child. The topic of homework has been an issue at times with our own child. The capacity to do homework is there, however, the desire and focus to do homework at times was not which resulted in strong-willed emotional responses when as parents, we required that level of focus on homework to exhibit itself. Tobias aptly comments on this issue, stating sometimes homework “can be boring, repetitious busywork. But the reality is that – right or wrong – often the homework assignments are counted as part of the student’s final grade. Help your SWC (strong-willed child) figure out what needs to be done in order to accomplish the goal he sets.” This has been the approach we have taken with our daughter and I will start unequivocally that it has worked wonders.
Having a strong-willed child can be a challenge, but it is not something that is beyond the parent’s ability to deal with provided they have the right tools at their disposal and provided they have the proper approach to the child’s actions, attitudes, and responses. Cynthia Tobias provides a number of valuable principles and examples parents can use to train up their strong-willed child in the fear and admonition of the Lord in a manner that gives them the necessary space while also providing the parent the means to be that needed authority in the life of their child.
I received this book for free from Waterbrook Press for this review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.
by Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.
