The astounding popularity of J.R.R. Tolkien and his writings–magnified many times over by the success of the “Lord of the Rings” films–has ensured that Tolkien’s fantasy world of moral meaning stands as one of the great literary achievements of our times.

In some sense, Tolkien was a man born out of time. A philologist at heart, Tolkien was most at home in the world of ancient ages, even as he witnessed the barbarism and horrors of the 20th century. Celebrated as a popular author, he was an eloquent witness to permanent truths. His popularity on university campuses, extending from his own day right up to the present, is a powerful indication of the fact that Tolkien’s writings reach the hearts of the young, and those looking for answers.

Even as Tolkien is celebrated as an author and literary figure, some of his most important messages were communicated by means of letters, and some of the most important letters were written to his sons.

Tolkien married his wife Edith in 1916, and the marriage was blessed with four children. Of the four, three were boys. John was born in 1917, Michael in 1920, and Christopher in 1924. Priscilla, the Tolkiens’ only daughter, was born in 1929.

Tolkien dearly loved his children, and he left a literary legacy in the form of letters. Many of these letters were written to his sons, and these letters represent, not only a hallmark of literary quality, but a treasure of Christian teaching on matters of manhood, marriage, and sex. Taken together, these letters constitute a priceless legacy, not only to the Tolkien boys, but to all those with whom the letters have been shared.

In 1941, Tolkien wrote a masterful letter to his son Michael, dealing with marriage and the realities of human sexuality. The letter reflects Tolkien’s Christian worldview and his deep love for his sons, and at the same time, also acknowledges the powerful dangers inherent in unbridled sexuality.

“This is a fallen world,” Tolkien chided. “The dislocation of sex-instinct is one of the chief symptoms of the Fall. The world has been ‘going to the bad’ all down the ages. The various social forms shift, and each new mode has its special dangers: but the ‘hard spirit of concupiscence’ has walked down every street, and sat leering in every house, since Adam fell.” This acknowledgement of human sin and the inevitable results of the Fall stands in stark contrast to the humanistic optimism that was shared by so many throughout the 20th century. Even when the horrors of two world wars, the Holocaust, and various other evils chastened the century’s dawning optimism of human progress, the 20th century gave evidence of an unshakable faith in sex and its liberating power. Tolkien would have none of this.

Continue Reading

by

The other day it finally rained in our parched little town. We’re in the middle of a drought, and the torrential rainfall was such a welcome and strange sight. It rained so much in such a short time that the streets began flooding, which, believe me, no one minded at all. After so many long months with very little rain, it was nice to see the ditches and roadways overflowing with rushing water. When Adelade saw the water filling the roadways, she commented: Daddy said that Disney World has drainage problems. What?? Well, we went to Disney World when Adelade was five years old. She’s nine now, but she remembered walking the streets of Disney hand in hand with her Daddy after an afternoon rain. While they walked, he told her–you guessed it–that Disney World has drainage problems.

Kids have minds like gloriously uncluttered steel traps. If she remembers some completely inconsequential thing that her daddy told her four years ago, before she even started kindergarten, how much more does she remember about the important stuff she’s seen and heard?

As adults we often tend to believe that kids aren’t paying attention. But, we teach them so many things when we don’t even realize that they’re tuned in. And, for the record, kids are always tuned in, even when they seem mesmerized by the TV. Here are five things we teach our kids when we don’t know they’re watching.

1. We teach them how to treat others. Our kids notice everything about our interactions with other people. Even when they seem engrossed in all of the cool stuff near the checkout at the store, they are aware of how the adults around them are behaving. If we are rude to a clerk, they see it. If we speak harshly to our spouse, they take notice. If we call our friend and say mean things about someone, they are watching. They pay attention to our dealings with other adults because they are trying to figure out how grown ups act. They see us as prime examples of how to be in social situations. So, when we show them that people’s feelings don’t matter, we are training them to be bullies. We are showing them that being rude and offended and harsh are our favorite ways to be. And, most of all, we are teaching them that our faith has no bearing on our treatment of others. Instead, we should live out this truth: Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Colossians 3:12

2. We teach them how to be husbands and wives. Our kids know many married people. But, only one couple is with them at all hours of the day and night. Only one couple deals in stress, romance, prayer, sacrifice, compromise, disagreements, and fun right under their roof day in and day out. As their parents, we are their number one source of information on what it’s like to be married. And, they are watching how we deal with things. Most children eventually leave their parents’ house determined to have a marriage either just like their parents’ or just the opposite of it. Many an adult is still dealing with the repercussions of bad examples that persisted in their parents’ marriages. And many are trying to break cycles that hurt their parents’ marriages and are now hurting theirs. Christian marriages are designed to be a clear picture of the gospel. How much gospel did we show our kids in our interactions with our spouses today? What if this was what our kids learned by watching us be married: Love suffers long, and is kind; love does not envy; love does not promote itself, is not puffed up, does not behave badly, seeks not her own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Continue Reading

by

My heart was saddened the day I had to explain to my children that their aunt and uncle were getting a divorce. I struggled as I searched for words that would make sense to them. They were young and not yet acquainted with brokenness in marriage. Since then, I’ve had to whittle away at my children’s naiveté about the world as more and more hard situations require explanation.

When our children are young, they are often isolated from the painful truths of life. Their needs are provided for and their greatest struggles are in sharing their toys. But as they grow, they become more aware of the world around them. They begin to hear about violence, wars, death, disease, and brokenness.

One day, my 7-year-old overheard talk about same-sex marriage on the news. On another occasion, I had to explain abortion and euthanasia. Then there was the time I had to break the news about a dear friend waging a battle against cancer.

For many of these talks, I was unprepared. They came before I thought my children were ready. I wish we lived in a world where I didn’t have to explain death, divorce, or abortion. But post fall, this is the reality of life. And I want my children to hear the truth about life, including its heartaches and sorrows, in the context of our biblical world-and-life view.

Explaining the World’s Heartache Through God’s Story

As we’ve worked through these issues as a family, there is one story we always come back to: creation, fall, and redemption.

This is the story of the Bible. It is the story that explains what once was at the beginning, how we got to where we are, and how things will one day be. It is the story that brings hope in the darkness of this fallen world. And it is the big story into which all our individual stories fit.

1. Creation: In a recent talk with our children, we began by returning to the story of creation. We explained God’s perfect design for the world, for people, for relationships, for marriages, and for families.

2. Fall: We then reviewed the facts of the fall, how by the sin of one man, we are all sinful. Each and every person is a sinner; no one does what is right. Sin has also affected the natural world, bringing about disease and death. After Adam’s sin, God promised a rescuer in Genesis 3:15. He promised to one day redeem and restore what was broken by the fall.

3. Redemption: Jesus is the fulfillment of that promise. He came as that Rescuer, living the life we couldn’t live and dying the death we deserve. Through faith in his finished work on our behalf, we have been set free from slavery to sin. We are now free to live for him. He is making all things new, beginning with us. As we share the gospel of grace with others, we participate in the mission of his kingdom. One day, Jesus will return for the last time and make all things right. Death and sin will be no more. The redeemed will live forever in his presence.

Continue Reading

by

I have long appreciated the work and writings of the Puritan authors. Their ability to thoroughly dissect all manner of Christian doctrine in a manner that is both fully theological in scope while consistently practical in application is a skill for which modern writers and expositors of Scripture should certainly take note. One of the Puritan divines I always enjoy reading is Richard Baxter, author of over 170 works, one of which arguably is his magnum opus, Christian Directory, Methodus Theologiae Christianie, an 1143 page manual described by Tim Keller as “the greatest manual on Biblical counseling ever produced.” Crossway Books has published The Godly Home, a work that constitutes an updated and easier to read version of the opening chapters of Baxter’s Christian Directory, specifically the sections dealing with matters of marriage, family worship, parenting, and children.

For those not familiar with the Puritan methodology of writing should note the writing style of the Puritan authors is very structured. They first state the issue at hand such as the doctrine under consideration, followed by a discussion of the arguments both pro and con regarding that doctrine, concluding with practical matters of application to include the appropriate nature by which the doctrine under discussion should be practiced in daily life. In The Godly Home, Baxter follows the traditional Puritan style of writing by engaging marriage, family worship, parenting, and children by stating the biblical position, addressing the various arguments presented for and against that doctrine, followed by the important element of application. It is the application portion of this book that is of great significance for Christian families today.

Many may view the Puritan perspective on things like marriage, parenting, children, or family life in general as outdated, outmoded, and irrelevant to the accepted and promoted methods found in modern society. Such an approach should be rethought as the Puritans share much in their writings that should be applied in our families and in our relationships, thoughts that are soundly rooted in theological rich doctrine and the aforementioned practical application. In particular, despite the material from which The Godly Home is taken from being over 300 years old, the truths shared by Baxter are timeliness since they again are rooted in the pages of Scripture.

Since the entirety of Baxter’s The Godly Home is well worth reading over and over again as a valuable family resource, I will focus on a few points of discussion Baxter addressed that stood out to me. As a relatively new parent and in particular being the parent of a 12 year old adopted daughter, I was immediately drawn to the chapters in this book titled “Duties of Parents to Their Children” and “Duties of Children to Their Parents.” We live in a world where far too often the duty of parenting has been grossly neglected even within the Church. Parents far too often slough off their biblically mandate duty of teaching their children God’s Word to the Sunday School teacher or Youth Group leader hoping that will be enough godly teaching to enable their child to be a god fearing adult. Baxter aptly notes “You cannot dedicate yourselves to God until you dedicate to him all that is yours and in your power, and therefore your children as far as they are in your power.” Such a statement is rooted in passages such as Deuteronomy 6:7 and 11:19 where God commands parents to instruct their children in the things of God all day and every day.

Furthermore, those who feel as if the Puritan authors have nothing relevant to say should consider Baxter’s comment that “The common course of parents is to please their children so long by letting them have what they want and what they will, until their wills are so used to being fulfilled that they cannot endure to have them denied and so can endure no government because they endure no crossing of their wills.” Such a poor parenting approach is the method du jour in many modern households and Baxter rightly reminds parents of the need to balance love with discipline when it comes to raising their children.

I also appreciated the fact that Baxter addresses children, taking the time in this book to relay the importance of things such as obedience, respect, love, authority, contentment, humility, thankfulness, discipline, and godly friendships. These are all extremely important issues for children to understand especially in the current social environment they find themselves operating in on a daily basis. Baxter saliently instructs children that “It is a fearful thing to see and hear how ungodly children talk contemptuously and rudely to their parents, argue and contend with them, contradict them, and speak to them as if they were equals; and at last they will grow even to abuse and defame them.”

Marriage, parenting and family dynamics are no easy issues for anyone and there certainly are no perfect marriages, no perfect parents, and no perfect children as we are all sinners in need of a daily dose of God’s grace. With that said, books such as The Godly Home by Richard Baxter should be required reading for parents and their children. This would be an excellent book to utilize during family devotions as its addresses a plethora of important issues facing families. I highly recommend this as a resource for parents to implement in their parental tool chest as the sound guidance found within its pages will be of great assistance for your family, your children, and their children’s children.

The Godly Home is available here for purchase from Crossway Books.

I received this book for free from Crossway Books for this review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

by

Psalm 145:4–7 is a beautiful Scriptural summary of our responsibility as parents.

One generation shall commend your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts. On the glorious splendor of your majesty, and on your wondrous works, I will meditate. They shall speak of the might of your awesome deeds, and I will declare your greatness. They shall pour forth the fame of your abundant goodness and shall sing aloud of your righteousness.

As parents, we do many things for our children. We feed, clothe, shelter, and nurture them. We provide for them, guide them, and prepare them for adulthood.

But out of all the things we do as parents, one of the greatest and most important things we must do is show our children the glory of God.

We need to recount to them his glorious deeds. We need to proclaim to them his wonders and show them his goodness. We need to teach them that they were created to be in communion with him, that he is the only one who can fill their empty hearts, and that their greatest joy is found in him alone.

Nothing Else Will Satisfy

David wrote that the one place he most wanted to be was in God’s presence. “One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple” (Psalm 27:4).

We have the privilege of showing our children that everything in life pales in comparison to enjoying God and being in his presence. Everything else in life will let us down, break, or turn out to be less than we expected, but God always satisfies.

In our fallen nature, the human heart is an idol-making factory. We seek counterfeit joys and false substitutes to meet the needs that only God can provide. This is true for our children as well.

Every day their hearts are bombarded with a tempting array of things, experiences, and desires that promise to fulfill their longings. Toys, sports, affirmation, popularity, grades, friends, reputation — all these things are potential idols in our children’s hearts. As parents, we want to teach our children that their sinful hearts will seek out these substitutes. We want to help them identify the idols in their lives. We also long to show them over and over that God alone is their greatest treasure and desire.

Continue Reading

by

1) Training Your Child to Love God Depends on You

“We heavily depend on those who bring us up. We get from them a taste and a bias which clings to us most of the days of our lives. We learn the language of our mothers and fathers, and learn to speak it almost without thinking, and unquestionably we catch something of their manners, ways, and mind at the same time. Time will tell, how much we all owe to early impressions, and how many things in us may be traced back to the seeds sown in the days of our infancy, by those who were around us.

“And all this is one of God’s merciful arrangements. He gives your children a mind that will receive impressions like moist clay. He gives them a disposition at the starting-point of life to believe what you tell them, and to take for granted what you advise them, and to trust your word rather than a stranger’s. He gives you, in short, a golden opportunity of doing them good. See that you do not neglect such an opportunity. Once you let it slip, it is gone forever.

“I know that you cannot convert your child. I know that they who are born again are born, not of the will of man, but of God. But I also know that God specifically says, ‘Train a child in the way he should go,‘ and that He never gave a command to men and women which He would not give them the grace to perform. And I also know that our duty is not to stand still and dispute the command, but to go forward and obey it. It is only when we move out in obedience that God will meet us. The path of obedience is the way in which He gives the blessing. We only have to do as the servants were commanded at the marriage feast in Cana, to fill the water-pots with water, and we may safely leave it to the Lord to turn that water into wine.”

2) Training Your Child Means Watching Over Their Soul

“Precious, no doubt, are these little ones in your eyes; but if you truly love them, then often think about their souls. Nothing should concern you as greatly as their eternal destiny. No part of them should be so dear to you as that part which will never die.

“This is the thought that should be uppermost on your mind in all that you do for your children. In every step you take about them, in every plan, and scheme, and arrangement that concerns them, do not leave out that mighty question, ‘How will this affect their souls?’

“A true Christian must not be a slave to what’s currently ‘in-fashion,’ if he wants to train his child for heaven. He must not be content to teach them and instruct them in certain ways, merely because it is customary, or to allow them to read books of a questionable sort, merely because everybody else reads them, or to let them form bad habits, merely because they are the habits of the day. He must train with an eye to his children’s souls. He must not be ashamed to hear his training called odd and strange. What if it is? The time is short—the customs of this world are passing away. He that has trained his children for heaven, rather than for the earth—for God, rather than for man—he is the parent that will be called wise in the end.”

by

Though children learn from what we say, they learn even more from who we are and what we do. Our faith, our praying, our teaching, and our living must be parts of a seamless whole. Thus, the implementation of our teaching as parent-prophets necessitates godly modeling.

The preeminent godly model for us as parent-prophets is the Lord Jesus, who excelled all others as a true prophet, teacher, fisher of men, and maker of disciples. We do well to make a personal study of the Gospels with an eye to how Christ went about training His disciples. A good teacher looks for good models and constantly strives to hone his skills and improve his methods. Christ provides us with the very best model and abundant resources to draw upon as we take up the work of teaching and training our children.

Children are not looking for perfect parents, and they are remarkably forgiving. They have an uncanny way of knowing who their parents are and what they stand for. It is hard to keep secrets from anyone when we live under the same roof. Children are always reading the books of our lives. Besides the Bible, the way we live our faith from day to day is the most important book our children will ever read.

What children need to see is not a perfect mom or dad, and certainly not a mom or dad who never says, “I’m sorry.” They need to see in us an unwavering commitment to Jesus Christ, an unconditional love for them, and a strong bond of love for each other as husband and wife. They need to see a mom and dad laboring shoulder to shoulder, of whom the children can say: “My mom and dad hate sin, they love God, and their only hope is in Christ Jesus. They want with all that is within them to live holy and godly lives. I can see it, I can feel it; I know it is true and it is real, and I want to be like them. I want the God of my father and mother to be my God.” In particular, godly modeling should instill in our children the conviction that the Christian life is the way to live and that it brings true joy, true purpose, and true meaning in life, and awaken in them a kind of holy jealousy to want these things for themselves. As our children read the books of our lives, they learn how important God, Christ, the Bible, faith, prayer, and family worship are to us.

This excerpt is taken from Joel Beeke’s Parenting by God’s Promises.

(Provided courtesy of Ligonier Ministries. Original post available here.)

by

The first time porn was served at the cafeteria lunch table, my son was eleven years old. Does that seem young to you? Research suggests that one in three children ages 11-14 have viewed pornography on a mobile device. Add to that the very real possibility that a child will stumble across explicit content on YouTube or in a pop-up during innocent computer usage, and one thing becomes clear: parents must be proactive in talking about porn with their kids.

I’m not a fear-monger when it comes to parenting. In fact, I think fear is a terrible motivator for making parenting decisions. But if children are being exposed to porn at young ages, the loving thing to do as a parent is to equip them to know how to respond. The most frequent parenting question I’m asked is, “When should I talk to my child about sex?” My adamant answer is, “Much earlier than you might think.” If you’re concerned about your child being exposed to porn, you’ve got to talk about sex, and you must do so early.

Let me tell you what played out at the sixth grade lunch table that day. When the phone with the images was offered, my son responded, “I don’t look at porn.” The owner of the phone, perplexed, asked, “Then how will you know how to have sex?” My son responded that his parents had told him all about it. Jaws dropped. Not one other sixth grade boy at the table had had a conversation with his parents about sex, or, it would seem, about porn. But they were by no means lacking in instruction.

We may stall on the sex talk, but the world will not. If we delay introducing the topic because of personal discomfort, shame, or uncertainty about how to begin, our children will form their first ideas about human sexuality based on the reports of their peers, the images on their devices, or the pop-ups that introduce them to porn. They will also assume their parents are not willing or equipped to handle discussions about sex.

Ask the right question

Too many parents are still asking the wrong question with regard to children and explicit content. We can no longer ask, “How should I prepare my child for if they see porn?” We must ask, “How should I prepare my child for when they see porn?” External controls are important, but they only shield your child from a handful of instances when porn can make an appearance. Mobile devices are everywhere, and your neighbor’s unsecured wi-fi is easy to find.

This means we must begin giving our children internal controls as early as possible. We must give them a way to flee danger as soon as it presents itself. Just as parents of my generation taught their kids a script for when they were offered drugs, we must teach our kids a script for when they are offered porn. And we must be ready to have frank, fearless conversations about what they may have already seen, conversations free of any hint of condemnation that maintain a safe environment for openness and ongoing dialogue about this and other difficult topics.

Your child may very well be exposed to porn before they are developmentally able to understand what they are looking at. They need your help to know how to respond. Give them red flags, a script and a plan.

Continue Reading

by

One of the greatest blessings we can give our children is the cultivation of a happy home. I say “cultivation” because it doesn’t happen automatically; it requires conscious, determined, deliberate effort. From my own experience and from observing others, here are ten ways to cultivate a happy home.

1. Joyous worship
As God is the ultimate source of all true happiness, we need to be in constant contact with him. Communing with him in private and family worship brings His joy into our lives and families. We have to make time for worshiping together as families – not as a “must do” but as a “get to do.”

Fathers especially have a responsibility to organize their schedules and homes so that they regularly gather their families in God’s presence and enthusiastically drink from His refreshing rivers of joyful grace in Christ.

2. Generous praise
Psychologists and sociologists have found that for every negative or critical comment we make to someone, we have to make three positive comments just to get back to even. That means if we want to grow and deepen our relationships we have to speak four or five times more positive comments to someone for every negative.

And let’s be lavish in our praise of people outside our home too. Instead of rejoicing in others’ falls and failures, let’s rejoice in their successes. When someone criticizes someone, let’s find something to praise about them too.

3. Family Meals
In our hectic world, it’s almost impossible to get family members to just sit down for five minutes and talk. There are always more important and urgent things to do. Family meal times fix that. Even with conflicting schedules, shift work, etc., we have to try as hard as possible to maximize the number of times in a week that the whole family (or as many as possible) are “forced” to sit down and talk together. You’ll be surprised at how enjoyable it is.

4. Habitual Gratitude
When I notice that our family conversation has been turning a bit negative over a period of time, I usually initiate the “three blessings” practice for a few days or weeks. We go round the table and ask each family member to list three things they’re grateful for. That practice seems to kickstart a more general gratitude in life as well, enhancing relationships and deepening joy.

5. Funny Stories
I’m always on the look out for funny stories and good jokes to share. They may be stories from my own life and work, or stories I’ve heard from others; and I’m always on the lookout for humorous incidents on the Internet.

Or it may be a bit of gentle teasing of my wife or kids, laughing with them at something silly they (or I) said or did that day. All of this is so much better than majoring on the latest disasters and horror stories from all round the world.

Continue Reading

by

I readily admit that I fully enjoy engaging fellow believers on social media, in particular in various forums and discussion groups on Facebook. The back and forth discussion is often riveting, challenging, informative, and when done responsibly, a great tool for personal spiritual growth and the growth of others. What believer would not desire to share the truth of God’s Word or to dig deeper into the things of God, especially “nerdy” theological loving types such as myself. Of course that little aspect of responsibility is the issue and what things are being neglected, issues that quite often are far more important than winning a debate or sharing that one final brilliant theological discovery. Let me share with you some points of concern I have realized in my own life concerning this issue that were brought to my attention by my rather perceptive daughter as well as some recommendations for properly balancing time spent on social media or theological discussion.

In an age where access to social media is everywhere, be it smart phones, laptops, Kindles, Nooks, or iPads, it is easy to get drawn into the online environment. Long gone are the days when your connected your computer to the dial up modem, went out for dinner and then came back home to finally log on to the internet. Today we have instantaneous access to all manner of technological wonders. Who knew 10 years ago we could access the internet or watch television, movies, or listen to music on a thing called a smart phone? Honestly, there is nothing inherently wrong with technology. A smart phone or other technological device in and of itself is nothing more than a device. Without turning that device on, nothing will happen. Without engaging that device, nothing will happen. This means that a decision must be made on the part of the individual as to the good or bad that will come from utilizing that piece of technology. It also means blaming the availability of technology is a rather poor excuse, given you have to actually turn on the device to use it capabilities.

Now as someone who is an advocate of using technology to spread the good news of the Gospel, having conversations with fellow believers across the globe, reading godly books and reviewing them, as well as writing blog posts and sharing the helpful writings of fellow bloggers or theological works past or present, I humbly admit that from time to time I get sucked into the world of technology. Again, there is nothing wrong with technology, studying God’s Word, or sharing the Gospel. The issue is ensuring one’s engagement in those aforementioned activities is not done at the expense of other things also commanded by God as having a great deal of importance.

This leads me to what my daughter brought to my attention and that is “You are always talking about God on Facebook or reading about God and when I want to go to the pool or do things, you do not seem to be interested.” Wow! That was a shot right to the mid-section and rightfully so. Admittedly, I was defensive right off the bat in my response which went something along the lines of “Well you just want to go swimming at the wrong time.” Bad form Mike….bad form. After thinking about the wisdom my child shared in her complaint, it hit me that too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. Let me explain what I mean by that statement.

Sharing the gospel is most definitely something that should be the focus of every believer. As we have discussed thus far, technology has afforded us the opportunity to share that message through social media. The unfortunate side effect of social media is it becomes very easy to justify to ourselves typing that one last response on Facebook, reading just one more chapter, writing one more paragraph for that blog post we just have to get out for dissemination today, or sharing with our family the specifics of that ridiculous individual on that forum who just can’t get it right on a particular issue of theological importance. The reasons are many as to why we justify those actions to ourselves including the fear that if we do not post something in response to Rachel Held Evans’ latest tirade or if we do not confront a particular wrong point of doctrine at that specific moment in time that suddenly the very fiber of the universe will unravel. In my case, the desire to take that route has led to the neglect of something just as precious and that is time sharing the gospel in my own family by my own actions or in this case the lack thereof of setting a godly example of what proper balance looks like.

As parents and especially for those fathers out there, we are absolutely commanded by God to “Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up (Deut. 11:19)”, an imperative that speaks of declaring the things of God to your children all day and every day. What does that look like on a daily basis and how do talk about these things day in and day out with our children and in our families? What connection does that have to social media? All valid questions and let’s examine each one individually.

There are a number of ways in which parents can share the truth of Scripture with their children on a daily basis. Some involve the actual sitting down in a family or one on one setting to include the opening the Word of God and prayer. Such an approach is often called “family worship” and there are a number of great books available (see below) that outline some suggestions for doing quality, purposeful, and consistent family worship. In fact, I highly recommend family worship be instituted on a consistent basis. In the words of Dr. Joel Beeke:

“Heads of households, we must implement family worship in the home. God requires that we worship Him not only privately as individuals, but publicly as members of the covenant body and community, and socially, as families. The Lord Jesus is worthy of it, God’s Word commands it, and conscience affirms it as our duty.”[1]

While family worship is a must, there is also the equally important aspect of sharing the truth of Scripture by demonstrating godly living as parents through our own actions. This piece is truly where the rubber meets the road for most of us. In our minute by minute actions, are we reflecting what righteous behavior looks like to our children? Are we demonstrating by our own actions how to love God and love others? That is after all the essence of what all of the commands in Scripture are rooted is it not? I will let that sink in for a second. Okay…time’s up!

If we were honest, I would submit most would admit a large failure in that area of our lives as leaders of our families. With that said, admitting failure in this regard is a good thing because it demonstrates the realization of our neglect. The next stage is the need for repentance followed immediately by a paradigm shift in our approach to life. Children are sponges and as parents, they look to us for guidance not to mention the fact they will more often than not mimic our behavior. Watch the following music video as an example of how that works:

See how that works? The bad part of the video was the little boy repeating the curse word he had watched his father use. A better part was the little boy mimicking his father praying. The best part of the video was the realization by the father that he is setting an example for his son to follow, a realization resulting in a change of behavior. That is the place we must all get to as parents, namely what will likely be a drastic adjustment in how we live our lives.

For those parents who find themselves overly drawn to social media under the guise of sharing the Gospel, or individuals such as myself who spend likely far too much time involved in reading and reviewing books, writing blog posts, or developing our personal or ministry related blogs, the allure of social media can impact our ability to share the Gospel in our own homes. I know this is a reality because of the complaint shared by my daughter to me about my own misplaced priorities. I would submit many others are either in the same camp or are running the risk of placing a higher priority on outward ministry to others over and above ministering as a parent or spouse to their wife and children.

We cannot neglect our families for the cause of Christ. Such an approach is antithetical to Scripture. There is a thing called the off switch on every technological device. You can log out of Facebook. That last comment can wait. That blog post can wait another day. That book you are reading can be put back on the shelf for a few more minutes. That meeting can be rescheduled. What is more important than to “Train up a child in the way he should go so that when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22:6).

The Puritan J. W. Alexander once noted:

“The father of a family is under a wholesome influence, when he is brought every day to take a post of observation, and say to his own heart, “By this single means, in addition to all others, I am exerting some definite influence, good or bad, upon all who surround me. I cannot omit this service needlessly; perhaps I cannot omit it at all without detriment to my house. I cannot read the Word, I cannot sing, I cannot pray, without leaving some trace on the tender mind. How solemnly, how affectionately, how believingly, should I then approach this ordinance! With how much godly fear and preparation! My conduct in this worship may save or may kill. Here is my great channel for reaching the case of those who are submitted to my charge.”[2]

As I think back to the words of my own daughter to me concerning my over emphasis recently on matters relating to social media, I am struck by those words from J. W. Alexander, specifically “I am exerting some definite influence, good or bad, upon all who surround me. I cannot omit this service needlessly; perhaps I cannot omit it at all without detriment to my house.” That means that everything I do and say is being picked up on by those in my household, in particular by my daughter. She is watching every move I make and everything I say. This means the example I am setting is forming her perspective on parenting, life in general, and what a relationship with God and others looks like in practice. Uh-oh and God help me all wrapped up into one!

Now keep in mind changing our habits takes time and effort but by all means take the time and the effort to make the needed changes. This is serious business. Repent of misplaced priorities and cry out to God for help in leading your family in the manner in which Scripture commands. Take the time to institute things such as family worship which can be as simple as reading a Bible verse, talking about what God is saying in that verse, singing a song, and praying. This is not about having a 90 minute church service at home each night. It is about consistent time as a family, time spent in communion together and with God. Also recognize that social media can wait more often than not. Do not be so consumed with matters of ministry or the desire to fire away that post or Tweet that you neglect the raising of your children or get into a situation where you are not reflecting a godly example as a parent.

I leave you with the sound words of J. C. Ryle:

“Fathers and mothers, I charge you solemnly before God and the Lord Jesus Christ, take every pains to train your children in the way they should go. I charge you not merely for the sake of your children’s souls; I charge you for the sake of your own future comfort and peace. Truly it is your interest so to do. Truly your own happiness in great measure depends on it. Children have ever been the bow from which the sharpest arrows have pierced man’s heart. Children have mixed the bitterest cups that man has ever had to drink. Children have caused the saddest tears that man has ever had to shed. Adam could tell you so; Jacob could tell you so; David could tell you so. There are no sorrows on earth like those which children have brought upon their parents. Oh! take heed, lest your own neglect should lay up misery for you in your old age. Take heed, lest you weep under the ill-treatment of a thankless child, in the days when your eye is dim, and your natural force abated.”[3]

References:

[1] Dr. Joel Beeke, Family Worship (Grand Rapids: Reformation Heritage Books, 2002), 11.
[2] http://www.apuritansmind.com/the-christian-walk/the-christian-family/the-father-and-family-worship-by-rev-j-w-alexander/
[3] J. C. Ryle, The Duties of Parents (Choteau: Old Paths Gospel Press, 1888), 36-37.

by

All Christian parents desire the spiritual well-being of their children. We want our children to be Christians, to get saved, to know God; however we express it, we want our children to be part of the company of the redeemed. We yearn for the blessing of God’s covenant grace to be on our children. This longing to see one generation follow another in knowing God motivates the training and instruction of our children. Psalm 78:3-7 (ESV) captures it:

Things that we have heard and known, that our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might, and the wonders that he has done. He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children, that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and teach to their children, so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments.
We declare God’s mighty acts to the next generation (Ps. 145) because we long for our children to know the grace we have known. We teach God’s ways so that our sons and our son’s sons will follow God (Deut. 6).

Moved by this passion, Christian parents also long for assurance that their children will grow up Christian. I have been asked hundreds of times all over the globe, “If I do all the things you teach in Shepherding a Child’s Heart, will my children grow up to be Christians? Doesn’t the Bible teach that if we raise them right, our children will walk in God’s ways? Doesn’t God’s covenant guarantee they will be saved?”

How can we think about these things? Why do some children raised in Christian homes grow up loving God, while others, sometimes from the same home, turn away? In answering this question, we must identify two issues that have an impact on the persons our children become: the shaping influences of their lives and the Godward orientation of their hearts.

Shaping Influences

Shaping influences are those events and circumstances in a child’s developmental years that prove to be catalysts for making him the person he is. There is clear biblical warrant for acknowledging the lifelong implications of early childhood experience. The major passages dealing with family (Deut. 6, Eph. 6, and Col. 3) presuppose the importance of shaping influences—they include your faithfulness as a parent, the consistency of correction and discipline in your home, your nurture, your teaching of Christian truth, your family times in God’s word, even the ways you demonstrate spiritual vitality before your children.

Your children interact with every shaping influence you provide on the basis of the Godward orientation of their hearts. Here is what I mean: your children are covenantal beings. Humanity is essentially religious; no one is truly neutral—even our children worship either Jehovah or idols. All of us filter the experiences of life through a religious grid.

In the book of Romans, the Apostle Paul reminds us that the truth of God revealed in creation leaves all mankind without excuse. All human beings respond to this revelation in creation; they either worship God or, in the words of Romans 1, they “exchange the truth for a lie and worship and serve created things.” Fallen humans refuse to acknowledge and submit to the things God has made plain in the creation. Paul further observes that when people know God in the creation and do not glorify him, they fall into futile thinking that leads to idolatry.

Continue Reading

by

My daughter is my princess but as a parent I certainly am increasingly aware that how I interact with her in these formative years of adolescence can have a tremendous impact on her growth into adulthood. The virtues, values, and instruction I provide her now will carry on into how she views life as well as how she forms her own family structure someday in the future. Thus, understanding ways by which parents should equip their daughters to be the Proverbs 31 woman that is the model in Scripture for what a righteous woman looks like is a vital tool for the parenting tool chest. John Croyle, founder of Big Oak Ranch and author of books that have proven to be helpful guides for parenting, has written a new book that aims to help parents in the effort to raise a princess who will turn into a Proverbs 31 woman.

Using the acronym of “princess”, Croyle engages 8 key virtues he believes are essential for parenting daughters. These virtues are praiseworthiness, righteousness, initiative, nurture, character, empowerment, servant-heartedness, and stability. Each chapter of this book is devoted to exploring in great detail each individual virtue while exploring how these virtues are noted in Proverbs 31. Additionally, Croyle does more than just note 8 virtues and send you on your merry way with the hopes you might just get it right in your day to day struggle of parenting. Conversely, he examines these virtues in a very practical and helpful way, providing clear and easy to use examples of how parents can leverage these virtues in their parenting efforts.

For example, in his chapter on righteousness, Croyle aptly notes that righteousness is all about “living the way you were meant to live, regardless of what the world around you is doing – a way that feels right.” This is a very important concept to relay to young girls, especially in a day and age where the pressure to look a certain way, to succumb to the temptations of sex in order to fit into the popular crowd at school, or the element of society redefining normal for their own sick purposes rains down like a thunderstorm on young girls. This is even more important for girls who come from hard backgrounds, something Croyle is very familiar with in his work at the Big Oak Ranch. Girls who were never taught by their parents what righteousness and standing up for what is right is all about are often the first to fall prey to the allure of short term pleasures.

Croyle’s discussion of nurturing also hit home with me. He notes regarding Proverbs 31:26-28 that the idea of nurturing is inherent in the attitude of the Proverbs 31 woman, a person who “opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” As a father, I need to nurture my daughter so I can prepare her to “nurture her daughters and sons”. God nurtures His children which is something Croyle rightfully reminds the reader. This often involves being gentle and tough depending on what the individual situation warrants. Croyle also aptly notes that the word “helpmate” which described why God created Eve for Adam connotes the idea of nurturing and sustaining. Nurturing can be taught in many ways, one of which is through the avenue of taking care of a horse, a suggestion provided by Croyle that fits into our family dynamics given we own a horse. Essentially, he stresses the need to develop such a virtue by providing situations and the means by which daughters can practice this virtue, knowing sometimes they will be successful and sometimes they will fail. It is the learning process that is important, the spending time with your daughter to instruct them in why nurturing is important that is the key to future success.

Parenting is tough. Anyone who says otherwise is either not a parent or if they are, they are perhaps not parenting as they should. Raising up a daughter who will be a Proverbs 31 woman is my desire and Raising a Princess by John Croyle is going to be a vital tool I will use time and again as my wife and I work with our own daughter on understanding the virtues that form the heart of what makes a Proverbs 31 woman. I highly recommend this book for all parents, especially those such as myself who are the parents of adopted kids from tough backgrounds.

This book is available for purchase from B&H Publishing Group by clicking here.

I received this book for free from B&H Publishing Group for this review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

by

I have two teenage daughters, so it was with some interest that I read a recent article entitled “Application to Date My Daughter.” It was pretty funny, playing on the idea of the stereotypical shotgun-toting father and the mortified daughter as they negotiate the tricky terrain of a first date. Then Christian bloggers grabbed the concept, and for the most part, these versions were funny, too. There were some common themes: slouchy-panted unemployed suitors, dads breathing out Chuck Norris-inspired threats. I didn’t lose my well-developed sense of humor until I made the tactical error of glancing at some of the comments. And then I was just flat-out sad.

Here is the comment that made me the saddest, posted by a well-meaning young Christian father:

Bro, this is awesome. My daughter’s only 2, but I am printing this for my fridge. Thanks for your godly example.

Oh dear.

Okay, joke’s over. Bro. Let’s talk strategy for a second. Is that all you’ve got? You need a better plan than these low-level intimidation techniques. After all, she’s your daughter. So let’s talk frankly about what you need to do to guard her interests when it comes to dating. Instead of brandishing a shotgun or breaking out an application, you need to build a wall.

That’s right, you heard me—build a wall. Go all “Rapunzel.” Build it so high that only the strongest of suitors can scale it. But don’t wait until your baby girl is a teenager, bro—start now. Start yesterday. There’s no time to waste.

Build a Wall

In Song of Solomon 8:8–9 we hear a family’s hope that their young sister will grow into a woman of strength and dignity. Can you guess what metaphor they use to describe that kind of woman? A wall. Their sister assures them in verse 10 that she is indeed a wall, complete with towers. Her statement indicates assurance that she is not only strong, but also able to defend herself against any unworthy suitors. That’s what you want, bro—you want a wall.

Here’s the problem with shotgun jokes and applications posted on the fridge: to anyone paying attention, they announce that you fully expect your daughter to have poor judgment. Be assured that your daughter is paying attention. And don’t be shocked if she meets your expectation. You might want to worry less about terrorizing or retro-fitting prospective suitors and worry more about preparing your daughter to choose wisely. And that means building a wall.

Instead of intimidating all your daughter’s potential suitors, raise a daughter who intimidates them just fine on her own. Because you know what’s intimidating? Strength and dignity. Deep faith. Self-assuredness. Wisdom. Kindness. Humility. Industriousness. Those are the bricks that build the wall that withstands the advances of Slouchy-Pants, whether you ever show up with your Winchester locked and loaded or not. The unsuitable suitor finds nothing more terrifying than a woman who knows her worth to God and to her family.

Continue Reading

by

My denomination is dealing these days with a pastor in California who reversed his position on homosexuality. The pastor said that his shift coincided with his 15 year-old son’s announcement that he is gay. This is a situation every Christian should think through, now. As I’ve said before, at stake on the issue of a Christian sexual ethic is the gospel of Jesus Christ. But what if, sitting across from you, is your child or grandchild?

You will, without a doubt, have someone close to you in your family come out as gay or lesbian, if not already, then sometime in the future. How should a Christian parent or grandparent respond?

One of the reasons this is such a crushing experience for many is because they assume that their alternatives are affirmation or alienation. I either give up my relationship with my child or I give up the Bible. The gospel never suggests this set of alternatives, and in fact demonstrates just the opposite.

Every child, whether gay or straight, is oriented toward sin, and so are you. If your child or grandchild says he or she is gay, you shouldn’t act shocked, as though you are surprised your child might be tempted toward sin, or that you find your own sinful inclinations somehow less deserving of God’s judgment.

Your child’s point of temptation doesn’t mean that your entire relationship with him or her should be defined by that. We don’t affirm what the Bible says is wrong simply because someone we love is drawn toward it, whether that’s “straight” fornication or gay relationships. At the same time, that doesn’t mean your entire relationship is now to become a sparring match over Romans 1. Ironically, those who cut off all relationship with a gay child buy into the narrative of the Sexual Revolutionaries, that every aspect of one’s identity is defined by sexual orientation and activity. As a Christian, you believe this person is made in the image of God, and thus worthy of love, regardless of how far away from God, or from you.

First of all, consider what your child is telling you. He or she could be saying that this is an identity, from which they refuse to repent. That will require a different sort of response than if the child is saying, “This is how I feel, so what do I do?” This will change the way you respond, but what doesn’t change is your love and care for this child. Don’t panic and don’t reject them. Say explicitly that you love that child, no matter what, and mean it. Your relationship wasn’t formed by the child’s performance, and that won’t start now.

Continue Reading

by

Children, Ephesians 6:1-4 contains special words addressed very specifically to you. Words from God Himself. The God who made you. The God who cares for you. And who wants you to trust and obey Him. And I hope you will be eager to know what God has to say to you about relating to your parents, and what that means for your relationship to Him.

How are Christian parents and children called to relate to one another within the church? Ephesians 6:1-4 speaks to parents and in some ways, even more directly, to children. This text doesn’t cover everything the Bible has to say about it, but it actually covers, at least in summary form, a pretty decent part of it. In a sense, all of the Scriptures are relevant to the outworking of the parent-child relationship. But in terms of the specific obligations that are given between parents and children, the Bible actually doesn’t say a lot. I can give a pretty decent summary in just a few statements:

Parents are called to:
• Instruct their children in the ways of the Lord (that’s a big one).
• Discipline them when they disobey.
• Not provoke or exasperate them (Be loving, patient, kind).
• Provide for their material needs.
• Be thankful for them (recognize them as gifts from the Lord).

Children are called to:
• Honor and obey their parents.
• Receive their instruction and discipline.
• Follow their lead.
• And trust their provision.

There isn’t a whole lot more the Bible requires between parents and children. As good as organized sports and musical training and college scholarships may be — and I do think those are good things — they are not the essence of our parenting as Christians. And neither are they the essence of being a godly, “successful” child in the eyes of God. In fact, one of the temptations we face, especially in a society as affluent as ours, is that so many of those good things can very easily begin to encroach on and override the priority of these biblical essentials so that the essentials begin to get shortchanged and pushed aside.

Continue Reading

by

In this video, Jani Ortlund offers some advice for staying motivated to read God’s Word and making time for Bible study as a young mom.

by

I have two amazing girls who are now adult women—wives and mothers, using their gifts to serve others. One of my daughters is a writer and teacher, serving alongside her husband in planting a church in Thailand. My younger daughter is a Physician Assistant (PA) who will give birth any day to her son, Caleb. (Since I wrote this post, our daughter delivered a beautiful, healthy grandchild!) She has served with her husband as youth pastor and now bags are packed as they head to medical school.

This is a great season with my daughters but I do remember some harder times like when they were in middle school and going through the “mouth” stage. I remember telling Rodney he could raise them or they might not live!

Every culture and every time has its challenges but the basics taught to us in Scripture stay the same. Just ask your parents or better yet your grandparents what the challenges were in their day. A different set for sure but still a challenge. Rodney and I have been in marriage and family ministry now for almost thirty years. We don’t have all the answers, but here are some things we have learned as parents of daughters:

1. Be positive. Don’t groan about the challenges but accept the opportunity and blessing of parenting. Your children will quickly notice if you have the joy of parenting. They need to know that even when it’s hard, you see it is as a privilege to be their mom and dad.

2. You must be “all in” as parents. Parenting is a commitment to engage with your children. There is no room for passive parenting. You need the spiritual workout daily to be a fit parent (physical health is important, too.) Be actively engaged until you launch them from the home. Many parents start out strong then lose that engagement in the teen years. See it through.

3. Pray and then pray some more. I can still remember my mom and dad on their knees praying for me during the teen years. Seeing them pray made such an impact in my life. When my oldest daughter became interested in a young boy we didn’t feel good about, we prayed. Soon his parents sent him to live with his grandparents several states away. Jennifer joked with friends to be careful of her parents who pray! Seek God in all your parenting. He created your children, gifted them, and loves them even more than you do.

Continue Reading

by

It’s Sunday morning and I’m rushing to get out the door on time. Breakfast is finished, the kitchen is cleaned, and the kids are all dressed and ready to go. Because we’re having people over after church, I’m not just trying to get us out the door but also trying to keep the house reasonably tidy in the process. I pop upstairs quickly to get changed myself and to grab an extra change of clothes for the newly potty trained 2 year old. As I’m doing this I hear the voice of my 4 year old calling up to me. “Um, Mom, you should come down here. Ella’s doing something crazy.”

Sighing and glancing at the clock, I come downstairs and into the kitchen where Josh is standing looking rather helplessly at the scene unfolding in front of him.

The kitchen floor is covered in tin foil, saran wrap, and parchment paper. It’s everywhere. I can barely see the floor underneath. How is it even possible that she made a mess like this in a mere couple of minutes?

Because we’re rushing to leave, because I’m a parent who struggles with impatience to begin with, because tin foil and saran wrap and parchment paper aren’t cheap, and because I’m just plain old annoyed that Ella has chosen this moment to do this new thing, I feel a surge of angry frustration.

I’m quick to become angry with my child.

In that moment, for reasons that I can’t explain or maybe just because of His intervening grace, I didn’t immediately swoop in with angry words and impatient gestures. I just stood there in silent frustration.

In that moment of quiet, Ella turned to look up at me. Her sweet, impish face was sparkling with joy and, with a sweeping gesture to the shiny curly twirly “mess” around her, said, “Look what I made for you, Mommy. Isn’t it beautiful? I made it just for you.”

The Slow-to-Anger Parent Doesn’t Assume Heart Motive

Why are we so quick to assume motive and assign malicious intention when it comes to our children? In other relationships in our lives we are more careful to at least try to hope the best about people. And yet with our precious often innocent little ones, we can be so quick to assign motive and assume that the reason they’ve made a mess or done whatever it is they’ve done is because they’re just trying to be little jerks messing up our plans. I mean, of course we’d never actually say that or even think that. But when we jump to conclusions and are so quick to get angry at them, that’s essentially what we’re doing.

We’re assuming the worst about small people who have given us every reason in the world to assume the best. My children love me. Your children love you. Sure they’re not perfect and they even sin against us at times. But when we’re honest, so many of the times when we respond in quick, ungracious, angry impatience, our children have been innocent of any wrong heart motive. That should matter to us. Our children’s hearts should matter to us. And sometimes when we’re quick to become angry we don’t even allow an opportunity to find out the motive of their heart.

Continue Reading

by

The first time porn was served at the cafeteria lunch table, my son was 11 years old. Does that seem young to you? Research suggests that one in three children ages 11 to 14 have viewed pornography on a mobile device. Add to that the very real possibility that a child will stumble across explicit content on YouTube or in a pop-up ad during innocent computer usage, and one thing becomes clear: parents must be proactive in talking about porn with their kids.

I’m not a fearmonger when it comes to parenting. In fact, I think fear is a terrible motivator for making parenting decisions. But if children are being exposed to porn at young ages, the loving thing to do as a parent is to equip them to know how to respond. The most frequent parenting question I’m asked is, “When should I talk to my child about sex?” My adamant answer is, “Much earlier than you might think.” If you’re concerned about your child being exposed to porn, you have to talk about sex, and you must do so early.

Let me tell you what played out at the sixth-grade lunch table that day. When the phone with the images was offered, my son responded, “I don’t look at porn.” The owner of the phone, perplexed, asked, “Then how will you know how to have sex?” My son responded that his parents had told him all about it. Jaws dropped. Not one other sixth-grade boy at the table had yet talked with his parents about sex, or, it would seem, about porn. But they were by no means lacking in instruction.

We may stall on the sex talk, but the world will not. If we delay introducing the topic because of personal discomfort, shame, or uncertainty about how to begin, our children will form their first ideas about human sexuality based on the reports of their peers, the images on their devices, or the pop-ups that introduce them to porn. They will also assume their parents are not willing or equipped to handle discussions about sex.

Ask the Right Question

Too many parents are still asking the wrong question with regard to children and explicit content. We can no longer ask, “How should I prepare my child for if they see porn?” Instead we must ask, “How should I prepare my child for when they see porn?” External controls are important, but they only shield your child from a handful of instances when porn can make an appearance. Mobile devices are everywhere, and your neighbor’s unsecured Wi-Fi is easy to find.

We must begin giving our children internal controls as early as possible. We must give them a way to flee danger as soon as it presents itself. Just as parents of my generation taught their kids a script for when they were offered drugs, we must teach our kids a script for when they are offered porn. And we must be ready to have frank, fearless conversations about what they may have already seen, conversations free of any hint of condemnation. We must maintain a safe environment for openness and ongoing dialogue about this and other difficult topics.

Your children may very well be exposed to porn before they are developmentally able to understand what they are looking at. They need your help to know how to respond. Give them red flags, a script, and a plan.

Continue Reading

by

In Part 1, we looked at the fundamentals of what it means to be a Christian parent, and a Christian child. Now we’ll look at the whys of obedience.

Paul doesn’t just give children the command, “obey your parents and honor your parents.” He also gives a couple reasons. “Children, obey your parents,” he says, “because it is right.” Ephesians 6:1 says obedience is righteous. It is right because God commands it, as Paul shows in verse 2, where again he quotes the fifth commandment. This is the role God has given you in your family according to His good design. He commands you to relate to your parents in this way, and therefore it is the right and righteous thing to do. Colossians 3:20 says, “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” It is right in His sight.

Obey because it is right

So kids, at the most basic level, you are not supposed to obey your parents because they deserve your obedience, but because God deserves your obedience. And He says this is right.

I need to be clear: Paul is writing to families with Christian parents, and the obedience of children to their parents is subject to the greater authority of God. If any parent is requiring a child to sin or is taking advantage of a child in a sinful way, that is a terrible offense to God. There are not many more vulnerable relationships than that of a child to their parents. And to take advantage of that authority is wicked. I think Paul assumes this goes without saying in this passage. The obligation for obedience is not absolute but comes under what God says is right.

With that said, even Christian parents are weak and sinful and at times lack wisdom. We know that. God knows that. That in itself does not remove the need to obey your parents. It is not ultimately your parents who are worthy of your obedience. But God is worthy of your obedience. He is not weak and sinful. He never lacks wisdom. He is completely good. And He says this obedience pleases Him. So He is ultimately the One you need to trust, and He is ultimately the One to whom you will give an account.

This is where it is good to be reminded that God looks on the heart. He knows what is in our hearts. He knows if our obedience is real. Or if it is just an act. He knows if you are actually deceiving your parents in some way so they think you are obeying them when actually you aren’t.

Some of you are old enough that you realize your parents don’t know everything. (I’m sorry parents if I’m shattering some illusions at this point which have been helpful to you so far in your parenting.) It can seem when you are younger that your parents know everything. Some of you know that is not actually true. And you have successfully deceived them in regard to your obedience. And they don’t realize it. That will be a short-lived success. Because it is not ultimately your parents to whom you will answer, or to whom you are obligated. It is to God. And He looks on the heart. He knows everything. And what pleases the Lord is your obedience.

Continue Reading

by