Bernard of Clairvaux, the twelfth-century doctor of the church who penned the hymn “O Sacred Head, Now Wounded,” opens his devotional classic On Loving God with the following words: “You wish for me to tell you why and how God should be loved. My answer is that God himself is the reason why He is to be loved. As for how He is to be loved, there is to be no limit to that love.” Similarly, the Shema leads us from a contemplation of the being and essence of God to our response in loving Him. For this article, we will consider particularly the duty (and delight) of parents to instruct their children to love the Lord God.

Even this parental obligation is rooted in the nature of God’s oneness as it unfolds into His eternality. Because God is, as Moses writes elsewhere, “from everlasting to everlasting,” while the span of a man’s life is like that of the grass that quickly flourishes in the morning only to be cut down by evening (Ps. 90), then one way to ensure that our love for Him has “no limit” is to labor generationally, the current generation praising His works and declaring His mighty acts to the next (Ps. 145:4).

Not only does the worthiness of God call for generational love, but the work of God is also necessarily covenantal, so that every command and confession, including the Shema, is given for “you and your son and your grandson” (Deut. 6:2). This may also be related to the eternality of God’s oneness. His address to mortal Abraham, for example, inevitably included the tacked-on phrase “and to your descendants after you” (Gen. 17:7–8)—gracious, to be sure, yet sobering as well. More to the point, God’s plan to fill the earth with worshipers is worked out covenantally so that “be fruitful and multiply” (Gen. 1:28) becomes inseparable from “teach them diligently” (Deut. 6:7).

We find a beautiful expression of this idea as we compare the call of Abraham, the climactic goal of which was to bless all the families of the earth (Gen. 12:3), with the Lord’s remark later on that He had known Abraham “that he may command his children and his household after him … so that the Lord may bring to Abraham what he has promised him” (Gen. 18:19). Thus, we see that one of the most consistent means by which God’s end to bless all the families of the earth progresses is through the little schoolroom—or, perhaps better, “little church”—of the Christian household.

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They sit there next to you and their feet don’t even hit the floor. You’re thinking, “What, if anything, of this sermon is sinking into my kid’s head?” And with that little thought you’ve already decided not to engage with your child about the sermon. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Let me introduce you to the most important rule when talking to your kids about a sermon: They retain more than you think they do. The second most important rule is like it: They understand more than you think they do.

Take these two truths seriously and make the decision as a parent to talk to your kids about the sermons you hear. I’m writing this both as a preacher and as a parent of four boys under the age of 11. I’ve failed, succeeded, and failed some more at talking to my kids about Jesus. And it is still hard work as they grow older. But it is good work.

At the heart of the Gospel is Jesus introducing us to his loving Father. In worship we get to make a similar introduction—we get to introduce our kids to Jesus. Don’t miss that opportunity.

8 Tips for Talking to Your Kids About the Sermon

1. Remember the outline. It doesn’t matter whether or not you keep written notes. Remember the gist of what is being taught. If your pastor preaches for 40 minutes, then try to make a mental note of what you’ve covered at the 20-minute point. Don’t be discouraged if you can’t get every point; get as many of the big ones as you can.

2. Know the one, main point. Every passage and every sermon—no matter what your pastor says—has a main point. Grab it when you see it go by and don’t let it go. And as a word of caution, every preacher has a bad day. Sometimes the structure of the sermon looks like a piece of abstract art. If so, do the best you can. But don’t let the preacher close in prayer without having a main point in your head.

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“whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.” (Matthew 18:6)

“But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.” (2 Timothy 3:1-5)

“And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” (Deut. 6:6-9)

I am not often shocked when it comes to the truly deep level of depravity in our society. The length to which culture has embraced every expanding methods of perversion seems to be the new norm. One truly has to have existed in a closet over the past few years to not realize the shift towards all sorts of immorality seeping into every aspect of society. With that said and despite being fully aware of this move towards what some have rightly termed as the “pornification of society”, I was a bit shocked when this issue reared its ugly head in my own home recently.

We have a newly minted shall we say teenage daughter at home, with newly minted meaning she just turned 13 years old earlier this month. This stage of life begins to a large degree the transition into adulthood, an extremely important phase of life. The foundation laid by those of influence in the life of a child at this stage of life greatly impacts their worldview and how our children understand the issues of life. Thus, this places a huge level of responsibility on parents to follow the command of Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” In a day and age where at every turn our children are being bombarded with sexually explicit material, sexual innuendo, and perversion of all types, both overtly and in a more subtle manner, it is perhaps more important than ever for parents to be intimately involved in what their children are involved in to include what they watch, listen to, and read as well as those they call their friends.

From recent personal experience, I can unequivocally state that we live in a sick society and the sickness our society is plagued with is an embracing of all manner of sin. It was brought to my attention that even a word as simply as “thirsty” has been twisted to mean sex crazed, specifically a desire to have sex. What was shocking to me was the age level in which this term is being used, in this case by 11-13 year olds. Furthermore, this term was being bantered around not just in the halls of the local public school, but perhaps most shockingly, within the youth groups at local churches. This is just one of many examples I could provide that have come to my attention. Now I appreciate the honesty of my own daughter to share that such language is something she has come in contact with in interactions with her friends, fellow schoolmates, and the youth at church. Such honesty greatly assists the parental conversation that must then take place, a conversation that is focused on explaining why such language is abhorrent, and why resisting the urge to be “cool” is so vital.

So what does such behavior reveal? Let me share a few thoughts:

1. The enemy is busy with his age old bag of tricks. It is quite clear he has his foot on the gas in the effort to attack our children with all manner of perversion. Moreover, he is using all available resources to accomplish his goals. Jesus had some rather strong words for those who participate in causing these children to stumble – it would be better that a great millstone be placed around their neck and for them to be tossed into the depths of the sea. If you are not familiar with what a millstone during the time of Jesus looked like, here is a picture. In this case a picture is certainly worth a thousand words.

The good news is those who attempt to poison the minds of our children will receive from God their reward for such sinful behavior. However, we must all constantly ask ourselves if we too are behaving in a manner that might lead our children astray. What kind of example are we setting for our children when we fly off the handle, watch an inappropriate movie, or say something that should not be said ever, regardless if children are around or not.

2. Since the enemy is busy, parents must be equally busy. We live in an era described by the Apostle Paul in 2 Timothy 3:1-5. This is a time of great difficulty. Our children are constantly being encouraged to be lovers of self, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to authority, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, unloving, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, and duplicitous. It is more important than ever for parents to actually parent. The hands-off approach taken by far too many parents, abdicating their God given responsibility to raise their children to schools and youth groups must stop immediately.

What are we as parents to be about doing?

1. The importance of God’s Word. A foundational activity in every believers home should be a family dedication to the reading, studying, meditation, and obedience to the Word of God. Deuteronomy 6:6-9 commands parents to teach the Word of God diligently to their children. Just in case parents are unsure as to what that entails, God follows up that command with a follow assignment, namely the need to teach our children the things of God when we walk, when we lie down, and when we rise up. In case that is still confusing, that essentially means all day long the things of God should be the focus of parenting. God’s law is to be a sign on our hands, frontlets to our eyes, and on the doorposts of our homes. Those confused by such ancient language should know that means God’s Word should be the focus of our thoughts, actions, and furthermore, God’s Word should be the very foundation of our homes.

2. Pray, pray, pray for your children. Pray that your children may “grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” (2 Peter 3:18). Lift them up to the Lord and pray that “integrity and honesty be their virtue and their protection” (Ps. 25:21). Pray they may act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with their God (Micah 6:8). Pray that they may “lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life” (1 Timothy 6:18-19). Additionally, pray with your children. Show them the importance of an active, consistent, and persistent prayer life.

3. Be active in the life of your children. While it is tempting to come home and plop on the couch after a long and exhausting day at work, please resist that temptation. Sit down with your children. Have a conversation with them about how their day went. Ask about their experiences and their conversations. While they may push back at you or wonder why you are so interested in what for them may seem like a whole lot of nothing, these are prime opportunities to find out who and what is influencing your child. The news can wait. It will rain or be sunny whether you watch the weather report or not. Those dishes will still be there. The laundry can wait to be folded. Investing time in the life of your child supersedes all those things.

One good way to strike up a conversation with your child is to get outdoors. Take a stroll around your neighborhood. Chisel the dust off your bicycles. It will be time well spent and in the process you will be a bit healthier to boot. The bottom line is find ways to invest yourself in the life of your child whatever and however that looks like for your family. Be sure when doing so to limit distractions. Tune out the surrounding noise and clamor and cultivate a relationship with your child. Engage in activities that will allow for conversation even though at first your child may try and give you the silent treatment.

I urge all parents to never forget we are in a battle for the hearts and minds of the next generation. Gird your loins and the loins of your children with truth. As a family, put on the breastplate of righteousness. Shod your feet with the gospel of peace. Take up the shield of faith. Finally, grab the sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God. We have been given this battle armor by God to wage war through the power of the Holy Spirit against this enemy that has set its face against our children.

Now get to it, turn off that computer, television, cell phone, or whatever you are reading this on and invest in your child! Remember the words of Nehemiah 4:14 – ““Do not be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your homes.”

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I grew up in Christian tradition terrified of the world and culture. We dare not touch, taste, or see lest we become defiled as well. “We are not of the world,” I heard often. We should never ignore the sin and darkness in the world, but we certainly shouldn’t live in fear. Our King reigns eternal in light.

Often I see this fear in my own parenting and in parents I mingle with in different settings. I had an irrational fear of my child going to school because “What if she learns bad stuff from other children?”

A trending news story on many Christian news outlets is the loss of faith of young adults. Why is it happening? (Is it really happening?) How can we stem the tide? (Can we stem it?) What’s the silver bullet so our children don’t lose their faith? (Can we make them internalize it?)

We are so wrapped up in methods, ministries, and silver bullets that we stop discipling and parenting with promise and only react as the next cultural wave hits the shore of the church and our homes. I want to make three points that grow out of what God has already done and what he promises to accomplish.

First, parenting in reaction to culture and in fear of being defiled by the world ignores that sin is within our homes. Our focus is outward. Our focus is on other people. Our focus is on outside institutions. We never take the time to proactively examine our own heart. Our own homes. Our own churches. We never regularly engage our children’s affections with the gospel.

Sin is real. And it lives in our homes. Instead of focusing outward, let’s daily root out sin in our lives. As parents, that means regularly repenting and humbling yourselves in-front of, not only your spouse, but your children.

The other day in a moment of self-righteous anger I snapped at my wife in the car for a wrong she did me. My oldest daughter piped up, “Dad let her think about what happened and give her time to respond.” My first thought was Where does this stuff come from? I have this fun loving, smart, and rambunctious daughter who regularly goes Yoda-wise on me. Then I remember the Spirit is working in her heart, growing her faith, and turning her heart towards Jesus. Not that I’m not concerned with her friends, but I’m concerned as much with all the sin I’m teaching her. I must strive to make sure every sin is followed promptly by repentance.

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I’ve got three kids: a five-year-old girl, three-year-old boy, and a one-year-old girl. They are in the sweet spot of life where they crave attention and affection. First thing in the morning or as soon as that front door opens at five o’clock in the afternoon, they flock to me. These moments give me delight and joy, and I know to make the most of them.

I served as a youth pastor for a number of years. During that time I heard a common refrain from teens: “I’m not sure my parents like me anymore or ever did.”

Upon exploring these doubts with students, I discovered that many felt like their parents chased after idols of career, comfort, and cash. Some had divorced parents and felt like those parent fought over who had to take the kids that week rather than who got to take them. These students were filled with pain because they never were filled with affection. Some chased after affection in the wrong places. Others were clearly heading off to the same chase after the same idols of their parents.

Now, giving your kids plentiful affection is no guarantee for their healthy, productive, or carefree life. Neither should that be the aim; that’s actually short changing them of something far better. Heaping affection has a much richer aim. That aim is to prepare them for God’s love.
When we smother our kids with the comforting blanket of love and affection, their hearts are being prepared for receiving God’s love and affection. We’re tilling the soil of their heart to prepare for the implanted Word of God. That’s the chief aim in our affection – to give them the gospel. So here are four ways to fill up your child with affection that leads them to the gospel.

The Gospel
Well, this is a surprising lead, isn’t it? When people think about giving their children affection, they don’t first think about giving them the gospel. But I’ve listed the gospel first because it is of first importance (1 Cor. 15:3). The grandest affection you may give to your kiddos is the gospel because the gospel is the greatest expression of love that God has given his children (Jn 15:13). So we want to put the gospel first and foremost in front of them.

Without regularly presenting the gospel to our children, regenerate or unregenerate, we are actually despising them, if at minimum, being neglectful of their greatest need. Have you ever thought of that? It’s sobering, right? If the point of our affection is to lead our children to the gospel, then we should lead our affection with the gospel!

So fill your children up with gospel affection by faithfully reminding them that they are sinners (Rom. 3:23), who need a savior to remove their sin and become their righteousness (2 Cor. 5:21), and put them in right standing before a holy-loving God (Rom. 3:24).

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Ungodly parents are the greatest servants of the devil in all the world, and the bloodiest enemies to their children’s souls! More souls are damned by ungodly parents, than by all other instruments!

1. Understand and lament the corrupted and miserable state of your children, which they have derived from you.

2. Train them up in exact OBEDIENCE to yourselves—and break them of their own wills. The common course of parents is to please their children so long, by letting them have what they crave, and what they desire, until their wills are so used to be fulfilled, that they cannot endure to have them denied; and so can endure no government, because they endure no crossing of their wills.

To be obedient, is to renounce their own wills, and be ruled by their parents’ wills. To allow them therefore to have their own wills, is to teach them disobedience, and harden and train them to a kind of impossibility of obeying. Tell them often and lovingly of the excellency of obedience, and how it pleases God, and what need they have of government, and how unfit they are to govern themselves, and how dangerous it is to children to have their own wills. Speak often with great disgrace of self-willedness and stubbornness—and teach them what has befallen self-willed children.

3. In all your speeches of God, and of the holy Scripture, or the life to come, or of any holy duty—speak always with gravity, seriousness, and REVERENCE—as of the most great and solemn and most sacred things. For before children come to have any distinct understanding of particulars, it is a hopeful beginning to have their hearts possessed with a general reverence and high esteem of holy matters. For this will continually awe their consciences, and help their judgments, and settle them against prejudice and profane contempt, and be as a seed of holiness in them. For the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom, Psalm 111:10; Proverbs 9:10; 1:7. The very manner of the parents’ speech and demeanor, expressing great reverence to the things of God, has a very great power to leave the similar impression on a child. Most children of godly parents, who later became pious, can tell you this by experience—that from early childhood they learned to reverence holy things—which the speech and demeanor of their parents taught them.

4. Let it be the principal part of your care and labor in all their education, to make HOLINESS appear to them the most necessary, honorable, gainful, pleasant, delightful, amiable state of life; and to keep them from apprehending it either as needless, dishonorable, hurtful, or uncomfortable. Especially draw them to the love of it—by representing it as lovely. The whole skill of parents for the pious education of their children, consists in this—to make them conceive of holiness as the most amiable and desirable life—by representing it to them in words and practice—not only as most necessary, but also as most profitable, honorable, and delightful. “Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace.” Proverbs 3:17.

5. Speak often to them of the brutish baseness and sinfulness of FLESH-PLEASING SENSUALITY; and of the greater excellency of the pleasures of the mind, which consist in wisdom, and in doing good. Your chief care must be to save them from flesh-pleasing; which is not only in general the sum of all iniquity—but that which in particular, children are most prone to. For their flesh and sense are very lively—and they lack not only faith, but clear reason to resist it. And so (besides their natural depravity) the custom of obeying sense (which is in strength) without reason (which is in childhood is almost useless) does much increase this pernicious sin. And therefore continually labor to imprint in their minds an odious dislike of a flesh pleasing life. Speak bitterly to them against gluttony, and drunkenness, and excess of amusements.

6. To this end, and also for the health of their bodies, keep a strict guard upon their APPETITES (which they are not able to guard themselves). Keep them as exactly as you can to the rules of reason, both in the quantity and quality of their food. Yet tell them the reason of your restraint, or else they will secretly strive the more to break their bounds. Most parents are guilty of the great hurt and danger of their children’s health and souls, by pleasing and glutting them with food and drink. If I should call them devils and murderers to their own children, they would think I spoke too harshly. They destroy their souls by accustoming them to be ruled by their appetites; which later in life, all the teaching in the world will hardly ever overcome, without the special grace of God. What is all the vice and villainy in the world, but the pleasing of the desires of the flesh? And when they are habituated to this, they are rooted in their sin and misery.

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As a relatively new parent of an adopted 13 year old, I definitely will raise both hands if asked whether parenting is a rough and tumble task. The responsibility of raising a child in the fear and admonition of the Lord in a society that at every turn seeks to undermine godly parenting principles makes the task all that more difficult. We live in an age where words like discipline are viewed with disdain in favor of a relative free for all approach with child rearing. Whatever makes them happy regardless of future consequences not just for them as productive adults but for society at large let alone the families they will someday lead is quite frankly a passing fancy in the minds of most. Ann Benton, author of numerous books on parenting and the family, has provided an excellent tool with her latest book Parenting Against the Tide: A Handbook for 21st Century Parenting.

The focus of Benton’s book is to address the commonly promulgated and utilized parenting myths in vogue today such as an over-emphasis on self-esteem, the confusion of gender roles, the rejection of biblical discipline, relativism, lack of communication skills within the family, poor spending habits, and the setting of life goals, just to name a few subjects she addresses. She aptly notes the reason she wrote this book was to help Christian parents recognize that the “majority of modern parenting advice, however nice and cozy it sounds, is rooted in a worldview that is quite foreign to the Bible and this very much affects the kind of advice that is given.” Given that the Bible is quite clear on matters related to parenting, it is refreshing to read a book such as Benton’s that wades through the clatter and focuses on sound biblical truths on child rearing and matters related to the family.

For example, one of my favorite parts of this book was Benton’s discussion of the postmodern penchant for relativism which flies in the face of the absolute truth claims made in Scripture. Many in society like to make the claim that Christian parents are indoctrinating their children. A perfect example of this position is in relation to the creation/evolution debate. Evolution proponents such as Bill Nye and Richard Dawkins have often averred that teaching children creation is akin to indoctrination and child abuse. Benton does a marvelous job of demonstrating the vast difference between indoctrination and teaching noting “when it comes to passing on the baton of truth to our children…we know at once that we are not in the business of forcing a mantra on our children or of making assumptions about them. We will teach them; we will engage their developing minds.” She then outlines what that looks like in real everyday practice with the powerfully practical passage of Deuteronomy 6 as a backdrop for that discussion; a passage that is pregnant with sound biblical guidance on what teaching children from a biblical framework is all about.

Another excellent aspect of this book is Benton’s discussion of right and wrong. She correctly states that “unless a parent is willing to meet the right and wrong question head on, and be clear and convinced about the answer he/she will find raising children very hard work indeed.” Children love to ask the question why when told by their parents to do or not do something. A wishy-washy response if one is even given to such a question results in a child not understanding matters of right or wrong or where the foundation for right and wrong behavior is derived. Responding to the common parenting myths of naturalism, happiness, and consensus, Benton provides the biblical structure for properly defining issues of morality to include God as the ultimate law-giver, understanding humanity being made in God’s image, noting the impact of the fall, properly grasping the job description of the parent, and noting the proper balance between law and grace. These points will help the parent have a defined and consistent biblical worldview which Benton saliently declares “will enable you to maintain a moral framework in disciple” as well as avoiding the “need to resort to bribery which is a mere arbitrary and quite cynical manipulation of variables to get the desired end-product.”

Finally, I truly appreciated the practical application section at the conclusion of each chapter. It is one thing to provide a barrage of helpful principles and quite another to help the reader apply those biblical principles where the rubber meets the proverbial road which is in this case the daily grind of parenting. Benton does the latter by giving the reader some valuable questions for further thought and consideration based on the concepts and discussion found in that particular chapter. These are questions parents can sit down and discuss amongst themselves that will certainly provide an opportunity for an honest and hopefully frank analysis of how they have been approaching parenting their child or children.

I highly recommend this book for all parents. Benton’s honest and engaging writing style notes the failures of modern societies parenting methodology while presenting a clear and biblically sound response that will serve parents well that take the time and effort to read and apply the truths and concepts found in this timely and excellent book. I know my wife and I will be utilizing what we have read in the parenting of our teenage daughter.

This book is available for purchase from EP Books by clicking here.

I received this book for free from EP Books for this review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

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“And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” (Deut. 6:6-9)

As a parent, I am keenly reminded each and every day of the battle that wages for the hearts and minds of children. Add to that being the parent of an adopted child and you have an even greater battle taking place. In the day to day routine, it seems at least in my home that we easily forget one of the fundamental keys to parenting, something God has commanded parents to be about doing at all times with their children. That key to effective parenting revolves around the teaching and implementation of God’s word at all times and in all places.

In Deuteronomy 6:6-9, God commands parents to do a number of things. Before we examine what He commanded, it is important to take a quick step back to grasp where Israel was at when God spoke these words and what they were about to embark upon. The children of Israel were about ready to enter the Promised Land. Before they stepped foot into the land of promise, God reminded Israel of what He had done on their behalf, how He had delivered them from bondage, and moreover, He reminded them once again of the commands He had given them to live by.

Thus, the words God is referring to in Deut. 6:6 are the sets of commands He gave to Israel on how they were to love Him and love others. These commands were not just a onetime declaration that could be heard and then forgotten or lost upon later generations. To ensure the constant focus and emphasis on these instructions, God commanded parents to constantly share these truths with their children.

God is quite clear on how He wants this instruction to take place. First, He gives the command for parents to diligently teach these things. This phrase “teach them diligently” by no means reflects a half hearted approach or attitude. The word translated as teach is the Hebrew verb shanan which means “to inculcate anything on any one.” Now for those not familiar with inculcate means, that words connotes the concept of hammering something. Perhaps a good way to think about this activity is in relation to hammering a nail into a piece of wood. Unless you are Popeye the Sailor Man, it is highly unlikely you will be able with one smack of the hammer to drive that nail flush into the wood. It takes repetition and it requires hitting that nail exactly on the head. Furthermore, it requires hitting that nail in the same spot over and over, driving that nail into the wood. This same concept can be related to what God is commanding parents in Deut. 6:7. He expects parents to drive home the word of God at all times with great zeal and purpose.

The next important point to note is God expects parents to start this instruction with their children. Do not wait until your kids are teenagers to start mentioning the word of God. Start young and start often. Why? Proverbs 22:6 promises, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” When you plant the seeds of Scripture deep in the heart of a child when they are young, God’s word takes root in their life. While it is no guarantee they will follow after God when they grow to adulthood, studies have revealed “that when both parents were faithful and active in the church, 93 percent of their children remained faithful.”[1]

The next command God gives is for parents to “talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” This statement covers every element of one’s daily activities and possible locations. Now talking is far more than just a passing conversation. The word translated as talk is the Hebrew verb dabar which means “to speak, declare, converse, command, promise, warn, threaten, sing” with the underlying idea of leading and guiding as a shepherd would his flocks being the primary emphasis. This means parents are to shepherd their children by using the word of God as the shepherd’s crook, keeping them on the straight and narrow path. This takes place at home, anywhere outside the home regardless of whether you are sitting down or standing up. Basically God is saying – “Parents. At all times and in all places instruct your children in My word.”

As if this was not clear enough, God further notes “You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” Binding God’s commands on your hands and your eyes signifies that the truth of His word controls your actions and thoughts. Writing God’s word on the doorposts of your house and on your gates reminds parents of the need for Scripture to define how their home is ran and how it functions.

How then are parents to be able to follow these clear commands of the Lord? Being able to instruct your children in the ways of God and in His holy word requires the parent to be faithful in their own bible study and in prayer. It will take preparation, serious earnest preparation with God’s word sinking into the fabric of your own heart before you can then pour out the refreshing and cleansing water of God’s word into the lives of your children. This means that parents must hammer home God’s word into their own lives, setting the example of what diligent bible study looks like. This means that parents must live out in their own words and actions the truth of Scripture.

This is not easy and breaking lazy habits will not happen overnight. With that said, just as exercising your physical muscles takes diligence, practice, and know how, so to exercising your spiritual muscles will require action, diligence, practice, and know how so you can in turn train your children how to exercise their spiritual muscles so they can instruct their children. It is high time parents burn some spiritual fat, get a biblical chiropractic check-up and get to work following God’s clear command found in Deut. 6:6-9. Swinging that biblical hammer to drive home the truth of Scripture takes a lot of work and there is no denying that one bit. There is also no denying the benefits that will occur for those parents who are obedient to this command.

It is time parents stop abdicating their God ordained and commanded responsibility to Sunday School and Youth Group leaders to train their children in the ways of God. While they play a part, the primary responsibility rests in the lap of the parents.

Hammer it home parents!

References:

[1] http://www.gotquestions.org/falling-away.html#ixzz3H0IsZJHG

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I used to be afraid to read stuff in the Bible to my kids (ages 8, 5, 4, and 1). I thought it would bore them and then they would beg me not to read the Bible to them ever again. If this happened, I feared that they’d be inoculated against Scripture for the rest of their lives. Because of this concern my routine was to pick a story from the Bible that I thought they’d find interesting and then read it to them. I cherry-picked what my kids were getting, assuming that I knew what they would and would not like.

A few months ago, however, I ran out of novel ideas. Favorite narratives and stories stopped just popping into my head and my creative juices started to dry up. So I did what any red-blooded Reformed pastor in training would do… I gave up and just started reading the Bible straight through. A few months into our experiment we have read the entirety of Genesis all the way through Deuteronomy. This next week we’re going to have a “Peutateuch Party” so they can celebrate reading the Torah together as a family. They love it—which honestly surprised me. In fact, they love it so much that if there is a night when I might try to skip the reading they will get very upset and even cry. They find all of it interesting—even the laws about stoning disobedient children or the death-penalty for man-stealing in Exodus 21 (it led to a discussion about slavery that I should have expected).

One night, after reading some of these laws in the second half of Exodus, Amos asked me, “Can we even use these laws today?” I hesitated but decided not to avoid what could have been a complex discussion. Because of Amos’ tricky question we got to discuss in very simple language the three-fold division of the law. I then asked them to put what we’d talked about into practice by helping me see the moral law in the prohibition against cursing one’s parents or premeditated murder. The fact that the discussion went so well showed me that I have really underestimated my children, and wish I had started reading straight through the Bible with my them sooner. I wonder if there aren’t more parents out there who are short-changing their children as well.

Here are seven simple things that have helped me with bedtime Bible reading. Perhaps you will find some of them to be helpful as well:

1) Before I start reading, I run back over what we read the night before. I fight to keep their minds in the narrative flow. Reminding them and forcing them to remember begins to engaging them in what comes next before you even read it aloud.



2) I read to them with the lights out. My goal isn’t to put them to sleep, it’s to free them from distractions. When the lights are on there are things to play with and siblings to torment. When the lights are out and they’re laying in their bed, the distractions slip away – it’s just them and the words you’re reading.

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This is probably one of the most common questions I hear from parents wanting to establish Christian disciplines in their kids.

Every Christian parent deals with this at some point. They struggle with what they should mandate vs just encourage their kids to do. And with this, how much? At what point will we defeat our purpose and discourage them?

OUR PRACTICE

This is what we do in our home. I am not saying it is for everyone, but we are supportive of it as a practice by conviction and experience. Our children range from 20 months to almost 16. There is quite a variety.

I’ll hit this from two angles, family and personal devotions.

Family Devotions: As a family we work through books of the Bible. We typically do this after dinner in the evening. I read a section of Scripture and talk about it as we go. I weave in questions and application. I require everyone to participate and help the younger ones to do so.

We are also going through The Heidelberg Catechism to help provide a firm theological understanding.

Personal or Private Devotions: Once the kids are able to read we require them to read their Bibles, journal, and pray.

In the morning, our older children get up, take care of their chores and hygiene and then sit down to do their devotions. We ask them to think through the implications of the passage, journal the main idea, confess sin, connect the passage to the gospel, and pray for grace filled obedience. They can expect questions about what they’ve read, not always, but often.

OBJECTIONS

One objection to mandating Bible reading is that it may discourage the children who don’t believe.

First, I want to remember that I am responsible for my children. I am a steward of them. I want to do everything I can in my power to see them become faithful Christians. I understand that the way people become Christians and then grow to maturity is through the word of God (Rom. 1.16); 10.17; Joh 17.17). Therefore, I want to expose them as much as I can to the Bible. We do this as a family and then in their individual time. So, instead of discouraging them, if God is gracious, the exposure to the Bible will actually encourage them. It will be the means of opening eyes and hearts to believe.

Second, I want to remember that our home is a Christian home. While living here does not make you a Christian, it does mean that the home is going to reflect traditional Christian values and practices. Therefore, we are going to read, pray, sing, and talk about Christ and his word. I should never feel bad or discouraged about this. It is part of being a Christian.

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Parenting is inescapably the work of waiting.

As a parent, especially to young children, you are constantly devoting your time and energy into something that doesn’t produce immediate results. It is unclear, at a hundred different turns, whether what you’re doing will have any lasting effect on your kids — which is tough because lasting effect is what you’re really after.

It’s never just about your kids sleeping through the night, or napping well, or being polite at the dinner table, or learning not to cop a bad attitude when they don’t get their way. To be sure, you spend tons of time and energy on that, but it’s never just about that. Instead, all that effort is because you want them to become a certain kind of person in the long run. You want them to become mature adults. All the little stuff parents do, from telling our kids to say “excuse me” and “thank you” to banning them from eating boogers, is all pointed toward their future.

But this future-oriented investment is never safe. Hopefully, you get to see some progress in your kids while they’re young, but you can’t possibly see it all, and sometimes you may see so little that you’re terribly discouraged. I’m pretty sure, for example, that family devotions are more for the parent’s patience than for the kid’s good. It’s just hard to see the impact right away. And honestly, we aren’t actually guaranteed to see anything.

I don’t know if I’ll see my daughters get married, or my sons become courageous men. I don’t know. Parents can never know. So much of what we do is an investment in the unseen, and therefore it is profoundly faith work. It’s waiting work. It’s risky work.

Parenting, like nothing else, exposes us to the possibility of deep suffering. I still remember some of the first parenting advice my wife and I received from a wiser, older church member, spoken compassionately about our daughter. “She will break your heart, you know.” Which did not mean, break your heart as in being cute, or wrapping dad around her finger. This was “break your heart” as in you are going to love this person so much that the thought of them hurting will almost drive you insane, and one day she’ll make her own decisions and you won’t agree with them all, and in fact, some might be dangerous decisions and your soul will ache over it like nothing you’ve ever felt before.

She knew what she was talking about. She was telling us that even with all our love and care and instruction, despite what some books might suggest, we can’t know how it will all turn out. Parenting is never a sure investment with immediate turnaround. Parenting is inescapably the work of waiting.

So how do we do that?

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Adultery. It is a prominent theme in the entertainment and fashion of our culture. I do not mean that every TV show or movie is about adultery, but adultery is part of most entertainment we see. Maybe not physical adultery, but sexual innuendos, provocative dress, unbridled passion between unmarried people… They all feed into a spirit of adultery.

Christians understand the Bible forbids adultery. It clearly condemns the physical kind in Exodus 20:15. Jesus broadens the application of the 7th commandment when he says, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matt. 5:27-28). These words turn adultery from an exclusively physical act into something found also in our thoughts and motivations. Our culture’s constant portrayal of adultery as something normal can easily take root in us, let alone our children. So what guidance can we give them to help conform their minds to Christ instead of the world?

Teach Your Daughters to Dress Modestly. I know there is disagreement as to what is modest and provocative when it comes to dress. However, we should not therefore assume that everything is modest. Let me offer a solution. Look at the headlines of the fashion magazines. Many are explicitly geared toward a woman’s sexual appeal to men. They are trying to help their readers achieve these headlines in part through fashion. So, if my daughter has a “look” resembling what is in those magazines, she is wearing clothing designed to achieve sexual appeal. This clothing violates the 7th commandment by inviting lust.

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Education is a primary concern of Christian parents. That concern focuses on two points: We want to ensure that our children’s fund of knowledge is rich enough to equip them for life, and we want them to be people who know and love God.

In our culture, the paradigm for education is the state school. Most states enacted compulsory school attendance laws in the 1800s. Through the years since then, even Christian parents have come to accept the notion that education is the state’s task.

But what does the Word of God say? Deuteronomy 6 provides us with biblical non-negotiables for the education of our children.

One of the first things we notice in this seminal passage is that education is a family task. The chapter is replete with references to family. Moses said he was laying out God’s statutes and judgments for the benefit of “you and your son and your grandson” (v. 2). Parents are exhorted to diligently teach “your children” (v. 7). They are told to teach God’s statutes “in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up” (v. 7). In fact, the house itself is described as the place of ongoing education, education predicated on the assumption that children can read, for the law of God is to be written on the doorposts and gates (v. 9). So the Christian home is to be a learning community, and it is the parents’ task to teach the children, not the state’s. Education is a family task.

The next thing we see in Deuteronomy 6 is that education is a spiritual task. Verses 5 and 6 remind us that “you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart.” This command was given directly to the Israelites then living, the ones who would be teaching the next generation. That means the spiritual condition of our children’s teachers is not a matter of indifference. Educators have profound influence, so it is not enough for them simply to know the subject matter. Those who teach must know God. We cannot turn this task over to state educators who may or may not know Him. We must teach as those who are dazzled by God ourselves; we love Him with our whole hearts, and our hearts are moved by those things we teach.

We also see here the goal of education – that our children and grandchildren 11 may fear the LORD your God” all the days of their lives (v. 2). The goal is not a good job or prestige, Recently, I asked a group of church children, “Why learn?” Sadly, their answers were along these lines: “To get into a good college, or to get a good job someday.” That may be the answer to the question in the state school, but not in God’s primary learning center. Proverbs 1:2-4 tells us why we learn. Education is provided “to know wisdom and instruction, to perceive the words of understanding, to receive the instruction of wisdom, justice, judgment and equity; to give prudence to the simple, to the young man knowledge and discretion.” In short, education is undertaken to help our children know the glory of God.

To reach that goal, education must enable our children to understand the reality in which they live. There is a God who has made them and all things. He is glorious beyond describing. All the created reality – from the physical earth and its peoples to the world of ideas – has been made to bring glory to this God. Everything has been made by Him and for Him, and He is at work in His creation. The earth is continually renewed and kept verdant by His power. “You renew the face of the earth,” the psalmist exclaimed in Psalm 104:30. This God is in the storm! We are reminded in Job 38:35, “‘Can you send out lightnings, that they may go, and say to you, “Here we are!”? Seeing the work of God in His creation is so important for our children, because it is the God who is in the storm who promises blessing and peace to His people in Psalm 29.

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In today’s culture of raising children by only positive reinforcement (everyone gets a trophy); how do we reconcile the discipline of a child and Biblical truth? As a parent, I like to go to the book of Proverbs; it’s known as wisdom literature. This wisdom is not only something that someone experienced (namely the writer), but it’s supposed to be applicational—meaning, it applies to life. When we read Proverbs, we should think about them as a father gifting his son or daughter with his experiences, knowledge, and understanding about all aspects of life. There is much to learn in life, especially parenting, and a wise person will heed the advice of an elder, and definitely one who has already experienced it. One of the most beloved Proverbs concerning love, faith, and trust is Proverbs 3. However, among the insight given to us is wisdom and discipline—these two go hand-in-hand. Let’s briefly look at parenting, discipline, and wisdom.

Discipline

Assuredly, no one enjoys discipline, but godly discipline is good, pure, and holy. As the writer of Hebrews states, if God is disciplining you, He is treating you as a child of His (Hebrews 12:7). The Holy Spirit’s work in us propels us to repentance. It is a form of discipline and one that we should never neglect or reject. The reason we receive God’s discipline is because He loves us. Think about it…God’s wrath is not that He punishes us or sets up boundaries, but His wrath is when He allows us to do whatever we want to do. Discipline is love. Discipline is instruction.

As a parent, if I were to allow my child to play in traffic, someone would lock me up for neglect and child endangerment. How I respond to her playing in the middle of the traffic, after I save her, is wisdom–but it must reflect the sincerity of the danger along with my love for her. Likewise, if God didn’t love us, He would turn the other way and give us up to our desires and passions (Rom 1). So, if God corrects us then He loves us; be encouraged with these words:

“My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the LORD reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.” Proverbs 3:11-12

As well, we, who love our children, discipline them with the proper discernment. Some parents may choose spanking, some may choose time-out, some may choose another source. While I never condone beating a child, leaving scars (whether physical or emotional), or yelling and screaming, I do believe that there can be certain circumstances when a spanking, at a young age, can be effective–but I should clarify that the aim is not to inflict pain/harm, but to enforce boundaries. Spanking should always make you (the parent) have some kind of remorse, afterwards–that is normal, due to the love that you have for them. You never feel “satisfied.” But, let me state this, my father was more of a lecturer, even though we had a few spankings (and for me, the switch once!), but he would sit you down and try and reason with you for hours on end. I recall my older brother saying to me, “I wish he’d just beat me and get this over with?” But dad taught me the importance of spanking (I remember it well) and the importance of reasoning. When I became a parent, I was able to keep them both tethered together.

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What qualities does God want us to develop in our children? No need to guess. Scripture tells us specifically: “And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to have mercy and to walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:9). These three requirements are a basis for evaluating our children’s character development:

1. Are my children learning to act justly? That is, to deal honestly and fairly with others, and to respect, care for and intervene on behalf of the weak, vulnerable and oppressed? (Or are they compromising in matters of morals and integrity, and passively accepting society’s mistreatment of those for whom God says we should speak up?)

2. Are my children learning to be merciful? That is, to discern with sensitivity the personal and spiritual needs of others in family, school, community, society and world, and reach out to them in love and compassion? (Or are they part of a clique that snubs the non-cool, or so absorbed in their own activities, interests and possessions that they don’t see or care about the hurting people around them?)

3. Are my children learning to walk humbly with their God? That is, to know Him personally, to have a consistent daily time devoted only to Him, and to exercise a humility that recognizes His lordship and their servanthood for Him and others? (Or are they too busy to spend time with God, and too self-proud and self-sufficient to realize they desperately need God’s help to do all that is worth doing?)

Teaching our children the truth is absolutely necessary, but it is not sufficient. The solid foundation for a life is not just hearing the words of God, but doing them (Matthew 7:24-27). By our own example as their parents, we must teach our children God’s truth, demonstrating it in application and obedience. The truth that time must be spent with God must be demonstrated by the time we spend with God. The truth about Christ’s forgiveness must be shown as we seek and grant forgiveness in our home. The truth that evangelism is important must be demonstrated by our efforts in evangelism. As parents, we must model our stated convictions with courage and devotion. Otherwise what we do will speak so loudly they won’t hear a word we’re saying. Sometimes our children will fail to listen to us. Seldom will they fail to imitate us.

If parents teach children truth with their mouths, without setting the example of righteousness, devotion, wisdom and courage, then children will learn to scorn, disregard or abuse the truth. They will end up as rebels (rejecting the truth), nominal Christians (superficially recognizing the truth, but living like the world) or legalists (treating the truth as a sterile set of rules by which to pass judgment on others).

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For all you parents out there, please pay attention to this post as I am going to share something that is quite frightening, something, which you might be turning a blind eye to or are completely unaware could be taking place in your home. What is this horrible issue you might ask? Your child is almost assuredly being exposed to porn.

I hope that caught your attention. Now an understandable response is “That is impossible. We do not watch porn in our home and we ensure that no inappropriate programming is allowed.” I get that; however, your child is almost assuredly being exposed to porn. How can I make that claim? I can make it from personal experience.

In my home, we do not even have cable or satellite television. Late in 2014, we made the decision to view whatever channels we could obtain via an indoor television antenna. We also subscribe to Netflix and Amazon Prime which allows us to oversee and monitor what is viewed in our home. Even with those moves and this level of oversight, the ability to access porn remains. We are big users of mobile electronic devices, specifically the Amazon Kindle Fire HD. My wife has one. I have one. Our daughter has one. The good news is they are all connected to the same account and thus, we have the ability to monitor what has been viewed. It came to our attention that the filtering and parental controls on this device are insufficient when it comes to blocking unsavory content.

Our daughter likes to watch videos on YouTube that are about different ways to decorate her room. Even when she inputs a search for something completely benign, within a couple of clicks on various videos, more often than not, something perverted is available for the taking in the list of recommended viewing options. I hasten to imagine what would appear if our daughter searched for a meatloaf recipe.

After taking a look at the viewing history on our daughter’s Kindle, we noticed she had clicked on a number of videos that were far from something that glorifies God. We are convinced those viewing choices were not deliberate. Even still, it was disturbing, frightening, and disappointing all rolled into one bundle of emotions. This situation afforded us the opportunity to have a discussion with our daughter regarding godly and ungodly viewing habits and the reality that perverts in the world are preying on young people in an attempt to get them addicted to this type of material. Cleverly, those who peddle such perversion have purposefully tagged certain videos, which in turn results in their filth appearing as a viewing option even when the most innocent of search criteria is entered. Given the heart is exceedingly wicked and curiosity will often draw young minds to view such filth, the reality is your child will click on that garbage and will have their hearts and minds muddied by the grotesque and twisted waters of porn.

Outside of completely cutting yourself off from the outside world, what are the options for parents when access to porn is just a click away on any and every electronic device in your home? Is this a lost cause? Should parents just throw their hands up in defeat with the attitude that we cannot control everything our children do, so if they view such filth, we hope it is minimal at best? Or is there a better way, a more balanced approach that allows for access to technology yet ensures with the utmost care and oversight that our children’s viewing habits are not being drawn to the rotten garbage of porn?

I suggest throwing your hands in the air in a state of defeatism is not the answer. I also suggest that complete withdrawal from everything electronics related is not the answer. The answer is for parents to be parents, to provide guidance, oversight, and accountability for their children. Below are five ways to provide a needed covering to shield your children from porn. These five ways will provide opportunities to teach your children the difference between how to be holy in a world determined to suck your children into the dark side of pornographic addiction.

First, have an open and honest discussion with your children. When we discovered that unsavory material was being viewed by our daughter, we sat down with her and explained the dangers. We told her that it is our job to be the covering for her in all matters. This was not a yelling conversation. Make no mistake though, we told her that viewing such nonsense was wrong and that if we observed such viewing habits in the future, her access to the internet would be restricted. In addition to that, we used this opportunity as a teaching moment, a chance to help her better understand the world we live in and those who prey upon young adult minds. We talked with her about what godly behavior patterns are all about and the battle we all face with the temptation to walk down the path of unrighteousness.

Second, set the example. There is nothing worse that extolling the virtues of righteous living while you as parents do the complete opposite. If you are reading 50 Shades of Grey, stop immediately and burn that book. If you have inappropriate music and movies in your home that are not God honoring, destroy them immediately. Demonstrate to your children by your own actions what godly viewing habit are all about.

Third, utilize filtering software. This is something my wife and I will be exploring. Covenant Eyes does an excellent job from what I am told. Additional suggestions include using parental controls on devices such as iPads, Kindles, smart phones, and all other electronic devices. When you install such controls, make sure you discuss why you are doing this with your children. Ensure you have shared with them it is for their own protection.

Fourth, pray. It is of the utmost necessity that you pray for your children. We live in a world full of sinful people. As Christians, we are engaged against an enemy in Satan and his minions that has as their sole purpose in life, the destruction of your children. Do not turn a blind eye to that reality, thinking everything will be okay and that harm will never befall your children. Pray for your children and most importantly, pray with your children.

Fifth, be committed as a family to the reading of God’s Word. There is nothing better than turning off the television, shutting down the computer, or putting that gaming device on pause and spending time as a family reading, studying, and meditating on God’s Word. As the old saying goes – garbage in; garbage out. If we are feeding our minds and hearts with garbage, the desire for more garbage will be the result. Conversely, if we are filling our hearts and minds with the truth and light of God’s Word, we will be equipped as a family to identify truth from error. As parents in encouraging regularly Bible reading, you will be fulfilling your God given mandate to train up your children in the fear and admonition of the Lord.

Finally, this is a battle. Do not sit on the sidelines. Be active in the lives of your children by identifying what they are watching, what websites they are visiting, and what they are feeding their minds with regardless of the medium they are using. Talk with your children about the dangers of porn. The filth available to even the youngest of children today is addictive, destructive, and is within the reach of your children. Be aware, be active, and be godly parents. Your children deserve it and God commands it.

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When we think about parenting, the word “books” probably isn’t the first thing that comes to mind. But reading to our children is a fundamental aspect of parenting little people, though we rarely talk about it in the context of raising children.

Most of us are already reading to our children. It is something that mothers in particular already do, whether it’s the classic bedtime story or another scenario. Thinking carefully about reading to our kids can help us do it better in a way that will help us and them better steward the gift of intellect that God gives each one of us. John Stodt said that “the secret of holy living lies in the mind.” Books help us steward our children’s minds because it is what we know and understand that drives and directs how we feel and what we do. Reading out loud to our children is a potentially a powerful parenting tool when it is done intentionally and biblically. Here are five reasons to read out loud to our kids.

1. Reading builds relationships and memories. Obviously, if we are reading to our children, we are with them: cuddled on the couch, sprawled on the lawn, buckled in the car. We are together: the children hearing mummy or daddy’s voice, and all of us listening to the same author speak to us collectively. From the time I was newborn to the time I moved out of the house, my mother read out loud to me. For hours every day, my mother, siblings, and I were physically close, thinking the same thoughts. My five siblings and I have the experience of going to Narnia together, meeting John and Maggie Paton together, touring the pyramids together, all with Mum as our guide. When we are together, now all adults, someone can say, “I’ve been having a Charlie Bucket week,” and the rest of us understand. We pass on most of the stories to our children, welcoming them into this aspect of the family; even though the cousins all live far from each other, their parents take them in their minds to the same places that we all hang out. Such ties and memories last a lifetime.

2. Reading to our children helps us understand them. Not many of us read children’s literature when our children aren’t there; it’s when we are reading aloud that we are able to enjoy the stories and people in our kids’ books. Well written children’s literature understands the way that children think, and helps us remember what it is like to be a child: how fun, confusing, cozy, or scary it is for them. Have your read the story about Alfie and Bonting? Four year-old Alfie finds a stone in his back yard, puts it in his pocket, fingering it. By the end of the day, he decides that the stone has become a real friend, and he adopts it. Do you remember how things like stones can be friends? Or do you remember what it is like to be mothered? In The Railway Children, the children have done something very embarrassing and they have to confess it. “Mother was extremely angry. She was seldom angry, and now she was angrier than they had ever known her. This was horrible. But it was much worse when she suddenly began to cry.” After they sort things out, and everyone apologizes and is forgiven, the children have a talk by themselves. One of the girls says, “I should like to look at her if it wasn’t so awful. She looks so beautiful when she’s downright furious.” We quickly forget what it was like to be on the growing up side of things. Reading these sorts of stories to our children helps us parent better as we are better able to comprehend their world, or comprehend the world from their angle.

3. Reading to our children develops intellect. It’s an established fact that children whose parents read to them in the preschool years have clear academic advantages that last far into their formal education and work life. Reading with our children does not only teach them facts. It also stretches their minds, helping them to develop the capacity to reach mentally, to ponder things that are beyond them, to remember stories that moved them, and store facts that might be useful. Reading quality books out loud to our children stewards God’s gift of intellect in them and prepares them to do the same when they leave home.

Reading instills the habit of listening in our children. A child who can sit on a couch for an hour listening to their mother read will have far less trouble sitting through a service. They will also have an easier time listening to what is going on, because they are in the habit of listening to the person with the book.

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Houston, we have a problem. Ours is a world consumed with sex, in particular matters of sexuality far from the manner in which God desires for such things to take place. This all consuming passion is not just taking place in secular society. Whether parents realize it or whether they care to admit it, even within churches and the supposed safe environs of church youth groups, kids are obsessed with, confused about, and participating in sexually related activities that are not God honoring. This self-centered approach is damaging to them as young people, damaging to society as a whole, and it does nothing to lead to godly marriages. The dating model is absolutely flawed. Eric and Leslie Ludy address this important issue in their excellent book titled Teaching True Love to a Sex at 13 Generation.

If the title to the book startles you, it should. The statistics the Ludy’s share are shocking. Kids, even kids in our churches, are walking a razor thin wire regarding matters of sex with many completely giving in to all manner of temptation. Those who toe the line, while maintaining their “technical virginity”, are nevertheless giving away a little piece of themselves each time they move from relationship to relationship.

In this book, Eric and Leslie Ludy share sound biblical advice to parents who have a desire to train up their children in a way that will yield great dividends down the road. I am big fan of the ministry of Eric and Leslie Ludy as their approach rejects the modern dating model with its “follow your heart” mentality in favor or urging parents to be parents in the life of their children. I also appreciated the urging of youth to allow God, the author of love, to write their love story. This is hard stuff, especially in an age where selfishness in relationships is the norm and when fitting into the world’s mold is such a pervasive allure in the lives of young people.

What makes Teaching True Love such a powerful tool for parents is the practical nature by which the Ludy’s approach this subject matter. They do not just share a bunch of relevant and helpful stories (which they do) nor do they spout off a bunch of bible verses (which they do). What makes this book so helpful is the stories demonstrate that teaching your children the ways of God when it comes to relationships is doable and necessary. Furthermore, by rooting their discussion in God’s way, the mess that is the world’s way becomes ever more visible.

As a parent of a 13 year old, I am keenly aware of the sexual morass that is all around us. I am aware of what takes place in schools and when kids get together. For that matter, I was a teenager once and the pressures of life to conform to the world’s standards were quite high 30 years ago and those intense pressures have only increased over the years. The Ludy’s do an excellent job of encouraging parents to be godly parents, to take up the mantle of responsibility in teaching their children God’s ways when it comes to sex, relationships, and marriage.

They provide wonderfully practical tools in each chapter to implement the concepts they discuss. The various challenges they present are followed by an answer and an action plan consisting of two or three recommendations for a variety of situations. Helping your son or daughter understand the importance of purity is a challenge in our day and age. With that said, it is absolutely vital to teach our sons and daughters to focus on God first and foremost and to live a life of purity not just for themselves or because the rules say that is the godly thing to do. As the Ludy’s stress over and over in this book, we should be training out sons and daughters to stay pure for the future husband or wife God has for them and to rest in the sovereignty of God in this area of their life.

Sorry folks. The Russian roulette that is the modern dating model is not the answer for finding a mate. The trial and error method, while it has some measure of success, is not what can be labeled as a biblical approach to relationships or to finding our way to the marriage altar. The pattern we find in Scripture and the message driven home by the Ludy’s in this book is the need for parents to teach, for kids to be pure, and for the constant focus to be on God. Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things (including your future spouse) will be added to you. I am thankful for the Ludy’s writing this book and I highly recommend it to all parents to not just read themselves, but to also read with this children, starting at an age that is appropriate for their child. If you are the parent of an older child, the time is now to implement the principles presented in this book. While the truths noted in this book may seem old fashioned, that is simply because the world has gone so far off course, namely the course of godly relationship building provided in God’s Word.

This book is available for purchase from Thomas Nelson by clicking here.

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This past weekend, I read three books dealing with the same subject matter – the need for parents to talk with their children about God’s design for sex and godly relationships. What all three books had in common was the urgent nature of their message, one that can no longer be ignored. We live in a sex saturated society. Only the most naïve of parents (the head in the sand types) are unaware of that stark reality. The statistics are rather depressing. For example, the average age when a child is first exposed to pornography is right around the age of eleven. That is not the late night Showtime movie mind you. Conversely, that is hard-core pornography. Gone are the days when a kid had to go over to their friend’s house in order to find the place where their dad hid the girlie magazines. We live in a time when pornography is accessible from any and every electronic device imaginable. Porn can be obtained often from a simple Google search.

I have written lately on the need for parents to be engaged in their children’s lives. I have also shared some suggestions on what getting involved looks like in practice. I want to add to my previous comments in this post as part on an ongoing dialogue on this issue.

Engagement with children cannot be sporadic or just a singular event. The level of engagement required, especially when it comes to sex, has to be consistent and frequent. As Jonathan McKee notes in his excellent book More Than Just the Talk, communication with your children on matters related to sex has to be a constant dialogue. Having a one way conversation or monologue just won’t cut it. Furthermore, sitting your child down for that dreaded “sex talk” thinking you have now set your child up for success in all matters related to sexuality is a false pipe-dream.

One thing is quite clear. Children crave information. If they are not getting godly advice and counsel on God’s design for sex and relationships from you as parents, they will get on the nearest electronic device and Google their questions. I will submit what they will find on their Google search will not qualify as sound, biblical, godly advice on sex and relationships. If they do not have access to electronic devices, they will simply go to their friends for answers, a group of people as equally clueless and misguided as the information found on a Google search.

Now having a conversation with your child about sex is certainly no piece of cake. After all, kids know everything straight out of the womb, right? Well at least they think they do. The rolling of their eyes when you try and initiate a conversation with them about sex and God’s plan in this area of their life indicates their “know it all” attitude. Trust me. I know what this is like as I have a 13 year old daughter who is convinced she has heard it all and knows everything about these issues because she attended a puberty class in sixth grade. Unfortunately, many parents get frustrated with their child’s response, react in a not so godly manner to their child’s “know it all” attitude, and then throw up their hands in disgust, likely never returning at any point in the future to this all important topic. Then they are amazed when they find out their child is viewing pornography or has been having sex with someone from the church youth group – yes the church youth group. If you are shocked by that statement, you might be part of the naïve crowd of parents out there.

Engaging your child about God’s design for sex and relationships will not result in your child being a perfect little angel. Thinking in that manner is also naïve. However, statistics show that kids of parents who regularly engage their children on these topics from a biblical perspective are far less likely to fall into sexual immorality. Why? Because they understand God’s plan for them and appreciate that His way is far better than the world’s way. They are better able to grasp that waiting until marriage to have sex is the best way. Teaching your child that staying pure is not just about them, but also about staying pure for their future husband and wife puts a whole new spin on things. Such a perspective roots out the selfish attitude that is at the core of sexual promiscuity.

Let’s face it parents. The modern dating model is flawed and we are doing a terrible job of training up our children regarding matters of sexuality. The battle lines have been drawn and the world is attacking our children with a never ending barrage of smut wrapped up with a pretty little bow. The time is now for you to get off the sidelines and to become engaged in the lives of your children. If you don’t, then trust me that a parade of others will gladly take your place, holding your child’s hand in an effort to lead them down a path that is far from what God desires for them. Thinking that one “sex talk” will cut it is incorrect. Thinking your child can control themselves out on a date in the back seat of a car with little Johnny or little Mary from youth group is incorrect. Thinking that television show, movie, or music is not having a negative influence on your child is incorrect.

Your children need you and they need you to be godly parents. They need you to be the guiding force in their life, especially when it comes to sex and relationships. They need you to invest in their lives with the truth of Scripture. They need you to set the example in the home of what being a godly man and woman looks like. These are things that cannot be put off any longer. The time to have dialogue with your child about sex and relationships and what God’s plan looks like is now. The time to re-think your approach to the modern dating model is now. The allure of the world is strong, but by the grace of God and a concerted effort to train up your child in the ways of God, that allure can be revealed for what it is, namely depravity and a road full of heartaches.

I encourage parents to begin having those difficult conversations with their children starting today. If you are clueless as to how to begin, rest assured you are in good company. I am learning how to do this myself. Thankfully there are some excellent books available that can assist you in your efforts. I highly recommend all of the following books:

More than Just the Talk by Jonathan McKee

Sex Matters by Jonathan McKee

Teaching True Love to a Sex at 13 Generation by Eric and Leslie Ludy

When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy

I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris

The information contained in these books will greatly assist you in talking to your kids about sex and godly relationships. Some of the suggestions presented in these books could result in a paradigm shift in your thinking, a needed one I will submit especially in the area of the modern dating model and its many pitfalls. Additionally, some of the statistics provided in these books will likely shock you. They certainly shocked me as I was under the false impression that sexual issues had not crept into the church as much as they really have in recent years.

I know this all comes across as a bit “preachy”. Some may be thinking “How dare he tell me how to raise my child. There is no way my little Susie is viewing porn, watching sexually explicit material, or listening to music that promotes sexual promiscuity. She is a church going, youth group attending young lady.” In some cases that may be true; however, if you are thinking that, I urge you to at least find out what your child is doing with their spare time. The statistics demonstrate that your child likely is doing the very things you think they are not doing and if they are not actively doing any of those things, they are being exposed to such garbage more often than we probably are aware.

Here is the bottom line: Our children need parents who care and who are willing to take the time and effort to teach and instruct them in godly principles. Parents need to take every opportunity to reveal the false teaching of the world when it comes to sex. Trust me. There are plenty of opportunities each and every day to compare and contrast the world’s failed policies with God’s perfect policies. Take advantage of those times with your children. Develop a dialogue with your children as they are yearning for it whether they will have the courage to admit it or not. I urge you to take time to pray for and with your children and by all means take time to read God’s Word yourself and with your children. Conversations outside the framework of God’s Word will fall short of the intended goal, that of instructing them in God’s ways.

We have to be passionate about raising our children and I trust this discussion and call to action as well as the resources provided will serve you well in your efforts.

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There can be no denying (unless you want to play the role of the ostrich with their head in the sand) that our children are being exposed at earlier and earlier ages to all manner of sexual perversion. The statistics are staggering on the sheer amount of young people viewing sexually explicit material as well as engaging in sex and sexual related activities. What is a parent to do? What are ways parents can get involved in the battle for the hearts and minds of their children? What do we do when our child asks us about some element of sexually intimate information they heard in the back of the bus on the way home from elementary school? Jonathan McKee, in his truly outstanding book More Than Just the Talk: Becoming Your Kids’ Go-To Person about Sex, equips parents with information, practical application, and a needed kick in the pants.

McKee shares some sobering stats in the first part of this book that might take many parents by surprise, especially those parents who actually believe their precious children would never be exposed to or involve themselves with sex or sexually explicit material. The facts prove otherwise which should spur parents into action. The problem is most parents have not been properly equipped to deal with these issues. As McKee notes, if sex is spoken about in the home, it is either pictured as something dirty or one of the parents does a 5 minute dance around the issue known as “the talk”. Neither approach is effective or useful as sex was created by God to be enjoyed in the confines of covenant marriage and a single talk is wholly insufficient.

For the many parents out there, including myself, who are struggling with or desire to understand how to talk with your kids about God’s design for sex, McKee’s book is an excellent starting place. The information and discussion points throughout this book are very pointed and rightfully so. As the parent of a 13 year old daughter, I can attest to the fact that our kids are being exposed to all sorts of sexual perversion and are far more attuned and knowledgeable about matters of sexuality than we would like to admit.

McKee’s consistent urging of parent’s to have dialogue vice monologue with their children about sex is highly important. If you do not have that dialogue, a continual dialogue mind you with your children about sex, the information flow will not stop. They will simply do a Google search and be presented with the false lies of the world when it comes to matters of sex and sexuality. McKee is insistent throughout this book on the need for parents to be parents. Step up to the plate and engage your children in conversation in an age appropriate manner. Stop reacting and teach the truth of God’s Word and His design for sex to your children whenever the opportunity arises and as McKee shares in this book, the opportunities for such conversation take place every single day. Teaching moments abound and we must take advantage of them.

What I found most engaging about this book apart from the honest and frank discussion points was the practical nature of McKee’s approach and guidance to the reader. He speaks from not just his experience working with children, but also as a parent who has gone through the very issues he is addressing. I appreciated his recommendation for parents to institute guidelines regarding access to electronic devices. This is an issue my wife and I are dealing with in our own home, namely the far too easy access children have to sexually explicit material. Our kids are just a couple of clicks away from hard-core pornographic material. Parents who think otherwise are simply fooling themselves and doing their children harm by ignoring these stark facts. McKee devotes an entire chapter to the problem of pornography and if parents read nothing else in this book, I recommend they pay special attention to what McKee shares in that portion.

Additionally, the chapter titled “Tough Questions” is a handy reference for those questions your child will (or should if you implement the strategies provided in this book) fire your direction. Questions your child may ask ranging from “How Far Can I Go” to “What About Masturbation” are answered with both grace and directness by McKee in a way that provides parents a way to engage in that must have dialogue with their children. If you do not have that dialogue, someone will and they will not be sharing the truth of God’s Word.

I urge all parents to take the time to read this book and more importantly, to take what McKee says to heart. The recommendations he provides are biblical, practical, timely, and a must for parents to implement immediately if they are not already. The enemy would love nothing more than to warp our children’s perspective on sex and as godly parents, we need to do battle against the garbage the world is presenting all around us. McKee’s book will help you to just that, namely to share God’s design for sex with your children, something we should be doing early and often so they will embrace what God has for them in this area of their life in the proper time with the proper person God has for them in the covenant of marriage. I also recommend the companion book, Sex Matters which takes many of the truths provided in More Than Just the Talk and focuses them for the teenage audience. Both are must reads.

This book is available for purchase from Bethany House by clicking here.

I received this book for free from Bethany House for this review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

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